The Copter's Flying Trapeze

Technology confounds me

2006-05-20T09:23:00.000-05:00

Last week at work was "Fraud Awareness Week". Part of the festivities was a little drawing whereby one could win a digital camera if one made a suggestion to imrpove our security or whatnot. Guess who won?

The Finns do it again

2006-04-10T23:37:00.000-05:00

It's amazing the random crap you'll find on wikipedia.

Today, for instance, I was trying to figure out if there actually was a difference between a "choir" and a "chorus". The answer: not really. But on wikipedia's page about choirs, there was a subsection entitled "Shouting Choirs". What's a shouting choir, you might ask? Well, this, apparently.

You owe it to yourself to listen to their rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner. It's just ... there are no words, really. Just listen. And if you speak Finnish (or whatever the hell those people speak), do let me know the director says at the end that's so funny. I like to think it's a witty remark about the Bush administration.

And speaking of teeth...

2006-04-07T11:57:00.000-05:00

This has got to be the silliest story on CNN today. Long story short, prosecutors wanted to confiscate the blingified prosthetic teeth the defendants had installed, not knowing they were bonded on to their real teeth.

The two silliest parts:

1) Quoth one dude interviewed,"It sounds like Nazi Germany when they were removing the gold teeth from the bodies, but at least then they waited until they were dead" Yeah, he compared this to the Nazis.

2) The article repeatedly refers to the teeth as "grills". Look, CNN, I know you're trying to be hip, but you sound like the lame White guy trying to impress his Black friends.

Fo' shizzle.

I'll rim your rockrow, baby...

2006-04-06T11:26:00.000-05:00

I have a concert this Sunday. And I have a confession to make -- a couple of the songs we're singing make no sense. The fact that they're in English doesn't help.

As an example, we're singing a setting of a poem by Robert Browning called "A Grammarian's Funeral". I've spent a lot of time trying to figure this one out, and I give up. So it's your turn now.

Right away, the title gives you trouble, because what the hell is a grammarian? Well, it's just what it sounds like, actually -- a teacher (i.e., of grammar, I guess). So, having worked that out, here are the first couple of lines:

Let us begin and carry up this corpse,
Singing together.
Leave we the common crofts, the vulgar thorpes
Each in its tether
Sleeping safe on the bosom of the plain,
Cared-for till cock-crow:

So far so good, right? They're leaving their farms and junk to carry the dude's corpse to the burial. Now here's where it gets crazy:

Look out if yonder be not day again
Rimming the rock-row!
That's the appropriate country; there, man's thought,
Rarer, intenser,
Self-gathered for an outbreak, as it ought,
Chafes in the censer.

"Rimming the rock-row"? What the fuck does that mean? And why does it have that exclamation point? It sounds like some kind of slang for gay sex. There's no punctuation between the first two lines... are they supposed to be one sentence? "Look out if yonder be not day again rimming the rock-row!"? That makes even less sense. And what's this crap about man's thought breaking out and chafing in a censer? That's the little smoking ball-thing Catholic priests swing around,* right? What the hell's going on here?

Leave we the unlettered plain its herd and crop;
Seek we sepulture
On a tall mountain, citied to the top,
Crowded with culture!
All the peaks soar, but one the rest excels;
Clouds overcome it;

Ok, back to making sense, more or less. Bury the dude on top of a mountain. Although I'm not 100% sure what it means for a mountain to be "citied" or to be "crowded with culture", or why he feels the need to throw another exclamation point in there, but I've got enough of an idea to let that slide. And apparently, there's a really tall peak with clouds on it. Fine.

No! yonder sparkle is the citadel´s
Circling its summit.
Thither our path lies; wind we up the heights:
Wait ye the warning?
Our low life was the level's and the night's;
He's for the morning.

And we descend into madness again. What's with the "No!"? He was wrong in the last line? Clouds actually don't overcome it? And now there's a castle floating around the top of the mountain? Is the speaker on acid? And then he asks a question ... which doesn't get answered. What the hell does it even mean? Wait me what warning? And I guess the last couple of lines are supposed to be saying something about how this teacher was so awesome that our (i.e., those of us carrying his corpse) lives seem low and dark compared to his awesomeness. And, you know, morning/mourning. Cute.

Step to a tune, square chests, erect each head,
'Ware the beholders!
This is our master, famous, calm and dead,
Borne on our shoulders.

Ok, this line actually makes more sense if you realize that "'ware" isn't actually a contraction for "beware" but instead "we are". Although it seems like the apostrophe should go after the W. And, you know, he could've just said "we're" instead. And again with the fucking exclamation points -- have you ever read that crappy comic strip "Mark Trail"? Everything the characters say either ends with an ellipsis or an exclamation point. This poem reminds me of that.

So, ideas? Comments? Help?

*Insert your own joke about Catholic priests and smoking ball-things.

I was due

2006-04-05T14:04:00.000-05:00

I went to the dentist today. First time in quite a while, I'm sorry to say. The good news is my teeth are all still there. And my gums are, on a scale from 1 - 12 where 1 is healthy and 12 is "oh-my-god-that's-gross", apparently a 3.5. The bad news is I have two "small" cavities. One apparently so small that it can be filled without anaesthetic.

Now, I've never had a cavity before, so I'm not quite sure what to expect from this whole "filling" process. That's where they use the drill, right? Wait, maybe I should just look this up on Wikipedia...

Hm, yep, drilling, anaesthetic...sounds fun.

Let that be a lesson, kids -- go to the dentist every 6 months like your mom told you.

Art imitating life

2006-04-04T10:47:00.000-05:00

I can't decide if this is one of the worst ideas for a movie ever or the worst idea for a movie ever. How the hell did this get made? And who's going to see it? It's just a bit too voyeuristic to be comfortable.

Actually, I imagine a fair amount of people are going to see it.

...Who struts and frets his hour upon the stage...

2006-04-03T12:53:00.000-05:00

I saw a production of King Lear this weekend. And since I'm about to rip it apart, I won't say who did it.

Now, let me start by saying that Lear is my most favorite of Shakespeare's plays. It's got all kinds of good stuff in it -- sword fightin', pun makin', eye pluckin', and, of course, Lear, who is, in my not so humble opinion, one of the best Shakespearian characters evar. Plus, the ending is so goddam tragic (my favorite line: "Howl! Howl! Howl! Howl!") that if you're not crying when you leave the theatre, you are men of stone (as Lear would say) or the production sucked.

I wasn't crying as I left the theatre. I think if I had to choose one word to sum up this production, it would be "distracting".

First of all, the actor who played the Duke of Burgundy/Oswald was distractingly awkward. It's like he was reading his lines from a teleprompter -- he didn't even attempt to actually, y'know, act. Those aren't huge parts, but he made me wince every time he was on stage. Plus, he looked and sounded like he was stoned. Eyes half-closed, slumped over, moving slowly...it was just weird.

Second, the director's eighth-grade kid and some other kid got a bit part playing the recorder. You know, for fanfares and such (because nothing announces a nobleman's entrance like a fanfare played on the recorder). This would have been fine ... except that the two kids played in different keys. Now, I'm all for the liberation of dissonance, but this was just bad. And to make it worse, they actually played over the beginning of that awesome and heart-wrenching scene when Lear is reunited with Cordelia. It was supposed to sound soft and soothing, I guess. It sounded instead like someone strangling a nightingale.

And then there was the actress playing Edgar.

Okay, I have no problem with females playing male parts or vice versa. I mean, Shakespeare's male actors had to play female parts all the time, so why not do the opposite now? The actress who played Kent in this production actually did a pretty good job. But if you're a woman playing a role like Edgar -- who is not, as far as I know, flamboyantly homosexual -- try to be a bit more masculine. That means lower your voice a bit and try to, you know, move like a man would. I swear for the first couple of Edgar's scenes, I thought the director was trying to imply that Edgar had a thing for Edmund. Which is an interesting interpretation, but perhaps not what Willy had in mind. According to her bio in the program, this actress had like a decade of experience working with physical theatre and voice training, so you'd think she'd know that kind of stuff. But apparently, she got this role because the director liked how she played Edgar-as-crazy-Tom. This actress interpreted "crazy beggar" as meaning pulling off some Bob Fossee moves and writhing around on the ground while shifting among various angular poses. Now, if this were not Shakespeare's King Lear, but instead a new one-man show titled "Lear!", that kind of stuff might've actually worked. Instead, it was just weird.

But, you know, besides all that, it was good.

Dancing at Google

2006-04-03T11:45:00.000-05:00

I was visiting Google's HQ. They had just hired a whole bunch of people (as they are wont to do, according to my subconscious) who were going through some kind of orientation. Wizard-of-Oz style, everyone I knew was there. The usual cast of characters from high school, yes, but also random people I went to college with. People from my a capella group and my choir. They all seemed really excited and happy. I wondered why I couldn't join them. When I asked the big bouncer-type guy who seemed to be simultaneously guarding them and keeping the riff-raff (i.e., me) away, he responded, "Well, what can you do?"

Let me clarify the emphasis on that question. It was actually, "Well, what can you do?"

I told him about my experence working with 401k plans. He wasn't impressed. Turns out there's a whole course of study all these other folks had pursued that I missed out on, somehow (the "oh no, I forgot to study for my final and put on my pants" dream). The group moved inside, and I followed.

They were taken to a separate room to begin their orientation. I couldn't follow, but I was allowed to wait in the ante room. It was very nicely furnished -- very bright colors, big mirror, comfortable sofa. There was a fancy tea set that I used (I don't actually like tea, but this tasted really good for some reason).

Afterwards, the group moved outside. Again, I wasn't allowed to join them, but I could sort of watch from behind the electrified fence. There was some kind of rock concert going on. Lots of dancing. Again I wondered why I couldn't join them.

My alarm went off. I notice funny things when I'm half conscious. Like how the nine minutes the snooze button provides seems both a lot longer and a lot shorter than I'd expect (this seems really poetic to me at the time). Like how the sunlight coming through my blinds creates a prison-bar shadow on the floor.

I vow again to go to the gym more. Fitter happier more productive.

Gun Kata and Other things

2006-03-06T11:09:00.000-06:00

I've been in a World of Warcraft-insipred haze for the past month or so. I'm now a level 50 mage, and I've been considering creating an alt (priest or paladin, haven't decided yet). But now I'm finding that my interest is waning. I'm at that point in the game where basically everything you do requires a group, and all the groups I end up in suck ass. Here's a typical group experience for me:

Me: LFG for Mara, Ulda, ZF.

...30 minutes and 20 repetitions of the above later...

Level20Warrior: I'll join!!111!1!!

Me: No. You're too low.

Level20Warrior: Fuck j00!!!!

Level45Paladin: Still looking for a group?

Me: Yes please.

Level45Paladin: Ok. Call me when you get one.

Level47Druid: Can I have 2 g? I need to buy some armor.

...Eventually, through the grace of the gods, I get a group together. We trek to the instance.

Warrior: Hey, are we gonna do the quest that gives you the gem? I need the gem.

Warrior: So are we?

Warrior: I need the gem.

Warrior: It's for a class quest.

Warrior: I need it.

Warrior: Are we gonna do it?

Me: YES!!! Chill.

Priest: Shit, I gotta go.
Priest has disconnected.

...Another 20 minutes or so, and we get another healer. Into the instance we go.

Warrior: Is this where the gem is? Which way is the gem?

Rogue: Need rolls plate armor

Pally: What the hell?

Rogue: I need money! I'm brokez0rz!

Pally: Only roll need on stuff you can actually use, jackass.

Rogue: Fuck j00!!!111!!!!11!

Rogue has left the group

Pally: Man, screw this. You all are a bunch of n00bs.

Pally has left the group

Warrior: Can we still get the gem?

By this time, it's now 11:30, and I need to go to sleep.

Now, I realize that a lot of the above probably doesn't make sense if you're not a WoW geek like me. Trust me, it's totally lame.

But, on the off chance that you are a WoW geek, do you have any advice?

The good news is, since I wasn't playing WoW this weekend, I got to see Night Watch, a Russian fantasy/sci-fi flick about vampires 'n shit. I actually liked it a lot. One of my favorite aspects was what they did with the subtitles -- they kind of fade in and out and change colors at points to reflect the mood or attitude of the speaker. It's a pretty neat idea, and I'm kind of surprised it hasn't been used more often.

I also saw about 20 minutes of some flick called Equilibrium, which seemed to be some kind of dystopian deal invovling lots of guns and fighting. And, most interestingly, fighting with guns. According to the imdb page there, it's some invented martial art form called "gun kata", which apparently involves shooting people while posing like a ninja. It's the best of both worlds, really. I plan to see the rest of it, even though it was written and directed by the same guy who did "Ultraviolet".

Car stereo

2006-02-10T17:32:00.000-06:00

Yet again, I'm sure I'm the last guy to find out about this, but I don't care. It's just so damn awesome. The Honda Choir. Unfortuantely, the website is all flash-based and lame, so I can't link directly to the video. Just click "Watch" when the thing is done loading. And for more fun, watch the rehearsal videos.

Speaking of choirs, mine is having a concert on Feb. 19. At the Cathedral Basilica, no less. Guaranteed to be awesome. Not choral-car-noise awesome, but pretty awesome nonetheless.

Question of the day

2006-02-09T23:43:00.000-06:00

The Gnome meets the succubus, and tries his best pickup line.

Ok, so when I converted this deal to a .jpg, the text shrank to the point of illegibility, but what my diminuitive avatar is saying is, "Hey baby, ever done it with a gnome on a mechanical chicken?"

Guess you had to be there.

Dissonance

2006-01-31T14:03:00.000-06:00

Monday's rehearsal was primarily focused on this new song that was just commissioned for us. And since it's a new song, it's weird. How weird? Go to a piano, and slam your palm down on the keys. That's the opening chord. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but there's definitely not a whole lot of what I'd call "pretty sounds" in the deal. I think it's some kind of contemporary thing in choral music -- to prove you're a genius, you have to write in a bunch of weird intervals and dissonance.

The thing is, after singing weird intervals and dissonance for 3 hours straight, it starts to affect your outlook on life ... black becomes white, major becomes minor, dissonance becomes consonance. It's quite the mind-altering experience. So when we spent the last two minutes of rehearsal singing a happy, forte, major chord-filled "yay for God" type piece, it really restored my faith in humanity and realigned my moral compass.

The point is, minor diminished chords are all well and good, and they get the job done, but they'll fuck up your view of life. So watch out.

Today, we went to lunch to celebrate a coworker's pseudo-promotion (which is to say, she is moving from my team to another three rows down). I got to talking with my teammates, and somebody said something about how she admired those kids in high school who just know what they're going to be when they grow up. I said that I was one of those kids. She asked, "What did you want to be?" A teacher. Then other people got to talking about their prior ambitions, and I found myself suddenly sitting a table filled with wanted-to-be lawyers, veterinarians, and fashion designers. I also sat with a few "had no clue what I wanted to be and still don't"'s. What wasn't said underneath all this was, "...but I never thought I'd end up here..."

I was reminded of that scene in Big Fish when Bloom first leaves town and ends up in that really beautiful town in the middle of the forest. Everybody wants him to stay, but he can't 'cuz he needs to go out into the world and whatnot, but he'll be back someday. What's really going on, of course, is that this town is where everybody comes at some point. It's the comfortable place, the easy place where you go when you have no ambition left and just want an easy life.

And I think my job is kind of like that. But with more dissonance.

Confession

2006-01-30T10:49:00.000-06:00

My job sucks right now. Well, it's always kind of sucked, but now it sucks more than usual. Y'see, about 50,000 people in one of my plans are screwed. And it's kind of sort of (not really) my fault. So I'm busting my ass to fix them, which is actually harder than it sounds. And I'm pissed off by the fact that I'm stressed about this, 'cuz I really don't care that much.

I saw Brokeback Mountain recently. While it was definitely a pretty good flick, I don't see what all the brouhaha is about. I guess it's just that old thing with Hollywood -- straight actors playing gay is instant Oscar fodder. And, you know, kudos to Ang Lee for directing a good flick. He was due, what with Hulk sucking the ass that it did.

Here's my confession: I'm considering paying real money to buy World of Warcraft in-game money. Why? Because I'm level 37, and there's no way in hell I'll have 90 gold to buy my mount in three levels. And I hate grinding with a passion. And I'm tired of walking. For only $25, I could avoid all that unpleasantness entirely.

By the way, Dan Yuen sucks*.

That is all.

*He actually wanted me to write that. I don't know why. I guess it's some Chinese New Year tradition.

The first step is admitting you have a problem

2006-01-10T09:23:00.000-06:00

My name is David, and I'm addicted to bad coffee.

Yesterday, I tried to kick the habit. I said to myself, "I can make it through the day without my 45-cent cup of vending-machine-made cafe-mocha-facsimile." So I tried it. Life was unpleasant. Especially for my coworkers, to whom I'd like to apologize. It wasn't really me who accused you of lying when you told me our systems weren't working. It was the lack of low-quality caffeine talking. Which isn't an excuse, but it is an explanation.

I hit rock bottom this morning as I was walking through the corridors of my office. You know you're in trouble when the idea of jumping through a plate-glass window seems like a plausible alternative to working. I mean, my job isn't that exciting, but it's not that bad. So I got change for a five and bought myself some shitty coffee-like-drink. It was delicious. And now I feel ready to take on the world.

On the plus side, I drew a really cool spaceship on my work notepad yesterday. It's got 7 multi-directional thrusters positioned strategically around the hull. It's like one of those ships in The Matrix, but smaller. And, you know, without Keanu Reeves to fuck it up.

Speaking of fucking things up, I saw King Kong recently. Everything was great until the last damn line of the movie. I know it's in the original and all, but goddam, it's cheesy. And Jack Black's delivery didn't help. I was half-expecting him to break out into some Tenacious D action ("It was beauty killed the beast ... ROCK! fligoo-fligoo-bee-bagga-fleep..."). And the whole Kong-biting-the-tongue-off-the-dinosaur thing seemed a bit over-the-top, to say the least.

I think this post has the highest hyphen-to-word ratio ever.

Dreams this weird need to be shared

2006-01-04T17:02:00.000-06:00

Check this shit out:

Remember the red-haired bully kid in "A Christmas Story"? Can't remember the character's name...Farkus or something? Well, a guy who looked like him was coming after me. But his name was Kaye, which is pronounced like the letter "K" (i.e., "kay"), but I kept thinking it should be pronounced "KAH-yay". It was really bugging me. While he was tormenting me. How exactly he was tormenting me is unclear, but I think it was kind of a mental torture. Kind of like how the real harm a bully does to you isn't the physical beating, but the mental anguish. Well, eventually I got sick of it, so I called the police or something, and Kaye ended up in jail. So he calls me from jail, crying and pleading for us to make up and be friends, because he doesn't want to keep fighting anymore. My response was (and I quote), "How do I know you're not just fucking with me?". Well, he keeps crying and shit, so I eventually relent and agree to meet him. My parents think this is a bad idea, that he's just putting on an act so he can get close to me to continue his psychic torture.

...And that's about where it ends. Two things are for certain: 1) Kaye is a cool name, and will be the name of my first child; 2) There is a French word pronounced in the same way I thought Kaye's name should be pronounced. It's "cahier", which means "notebook". *Cue Twilight Zone music*

Sharon (my ladyfriend) taught me how to do Sudoku puzzles the right way (as opposed to just trial and error, which is how I thought you were supposed to do 'em...what can I say, I'm a dumbass), and now I am addicted. Not quite as bad as my addiction to WoW, but pretty bad.

My bad

2005-12-22T13:08:00.000-06:00

Excerpt from a review in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch of the Chamber Chorus' most recent concert:

...There were some tenor troubles along the way, and some soloists who didn't quite make the grade, but most of the singing was excellent.

Read:

...That one balding brown-haired tall dude in the back singing tenor fucked it up for everyone. Otherwise, most of the singing was excellent.

Yeah, that was me. Sorry about that, all. I shall endeavor to not be as craptastic next concert (which I just found out today that I'll be singing in ... it's at the Basilica, so it'll be friggin' awesome).

Actually, my guilt at being lousy is somewhat mediated by the fact that after the concert, our rehearsal pianist/composer/all-around nice lady came up to me and told me how she thought I sang really well. So that's something. Someday, I will sound like Pavarotti.

Speaking of Pavarotti, check out this tidbit from his Wikipedia entry:

His major breakthrough in the United States came on February 17, 1972, in a production of Donizetti's La fille du régiment at New York's Metropolitan Opera, in which he drove the crowd into a frenzy with his nine effortless high Cs in the signature aria. He achieved a record 17 curtain calls.

Nine. Fucking. High. Cs.

Yeah, that's whay he's the man. I can occasionally hit an A and make it sound good. If the weather's nice.

The Tookie-Brown connection

2005-12-15T16:59:00.000-06:00

Being the curious fellow that I am, I sometimes like to read Wikipedia articles about random people/events/things that I have a passing interest in. Today I decided to focus on Tookie Williams. One of the things the Wikipedia article mentioned was that he was nominated several times for the Nobel Prize. There was a link to this LA Times article, which discusses the nominations and other actions folks had done to advocate for clemency. One of the people who nominated him was a professor at my alma mater:

Brown University English professor William Keach, who is also active in the campaign to end the death penalty, nominated Williams for the Nobel Prize for literature.

Williams, Keach said, "has a remarkable ability as a writer, with a message and a personal history that gives his writing force."

Now, I don't really have anything to say on the subject of the death penalty or whether it should have been applied in this case, but I do have a few things to say about Keach.

Keach has a bit of a reputation for being a crazy hippie-socialist-commie-pinko-leftwing-nutjob uber liberal. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But it is a bit embarassing when he supports things like confiscating and destroying every copy of the school newspaper because it ran an ad for David Horowitz's book on why reparations for slavery is a bad idea (sorry, can't find a relevant link -- it happened a few years ago). To clarify, I'm not saying I agree with Horowitz's argument, but I think there might be more constructive ways of disagreeing than burning newspapers. By the by, for those of you who weren't at Brown when this whole incident happened, it was a big friggin' deal. One of those things that got national attention for 15 minutes.

One other thing I'll say about Keach -- I had a couple of classes with him. One was a seminar about 19th century lit (something like "romantic writers"). The other was a mandatory (for English majors) survey course. I pretty much hated both. Of course, I'm also not real into 19th century lit, so that probably has something to do with it.

Update: Here's a link to the Brown chapter of the ACLU's decription of the aforementinoed incident and their response. Doesn't mention Keach, but you'll just have to take my word for it when I say he supported the paper-burners. Trust me. Mikey, you'll notice that the ACLU agrees with us that destorying the newspaper was a kind of stupid thing to do. So tell those roommates of yours to STFU.

Best. Allegory. Evar.

2005-12-12T10:22:00.000-06:00

This has been a good couple of months for children's literature. First there was the Harry Potter flick, now there's Narnia. Man, that movie kicked some ass. I totally geeked out -- to the great annoyance of those around me. I was the guy who sat there with a big grin on his face saying things like, "Ooh, this is the part where..." I don't care what C.S. Lewis thinks, Disney did a pretty damn good job with the anthropomorphic animals. Although, I must confess, I don't quite remember a huge Lord of the Rings-style battle scene in the middle of the book. I mean, I guess there was some kinda fighting going on, but I'm pretty sure Lewis went light on the bloodshed.

On a completely unrelated note, does anybody else remember the cartoon "Freakazoid"? Was it really as edgy and unsuitable-for-children as I remember it being?

I need an intervention

2005-12-10T00:09:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've developed a bit of a WoW problem. See, I'm on a 10-day trial which means, among other things, that the ability to talk with other players (except via whispering) and trading is disabled. Which kind of puts a damper on the whole experience, I guess. So I'm really tempted to "invest" the money to buy the full version. But the thing is, see, I worry that I've become just a mite too addicted. You know how, back in the day, when everybody was playing Tetris, they'd say things about how they starting seeing Tetris blocks in real life? Well, now I look at my coworkers and wonder if they'd have any rare drops. And how much silver I'd have to invest in my job to increase my skill points. It's bad news.

On the plus side, I'm a seriously badass level 12 mage. Who can also tailor and enchant things. Sucaks.

I'm in trouble

2005-12-05T09:06:00.000-06:00

You know those made-for-TV movies about the evils of drugs? They all kind of go like this: guy is doing fine, but a little bored with his job, so decides to try crack. It starts out okay, just one or two hits a day. Then he starts pawning his wife's jewelry. Then he loses his job. One thing leads to another, and he ends up living in a cardboard box giving head for $20.

Replace "crack" with "World of Warcraft", and you have my problem. Right now I'm at the phase where I'm only playing an hour or two a day, but I feel myself slowly getting sucked in. I think my character might be completely shitty, but I'm gonna stick with him for now. He's a Gnome Mage. Small but fierce. Make fun of his size and he'll blast you with a fireball.

Plus, thanks to my lady, I'm now also into Champions of Norrath: Return to Arms. Now, I'm not going to say that she's a bigger geek than me, nor am I going to mention the fact that we stayed up 'til 2:00 AM on Saturday wading through hordes of baddies, but I will say that all this RPG'ing is maxing out my geekometer. I may explode in a shower of cheese puffs and Star Trek references if I'm not careful. Or end up living in a cardboard box giving head for GP.

Excerpt from a conversation at work

2005-12-01T12:13:00.000-06:00

Coworker: I got my daughter her first gun when she turned 5.

Me: Huh. Say, have you ever seen "Bowling for Columbine"?

Coworker: No, why?

Me: Um...no reason.

Moment of Pi zen

2005-11-28T23:06:00.000-06:00

I hereby declare myself an amateur Piphilologist. Here are a few of the more awesome mnemoics I've found in the ... um ... two days since I've discovered this field.

Poe E: Near a Raven. Which is but a small part of Cadaeic Cadenza, the granddaddy of all piphilogical writing.

"I am the first fifty digits of pi" courtesy of the genius of songstowearpantsto.com.

The ytmnd version. I have to say, this one is currently my favorite. It's been looping on my computer for the past half hour or so, and I'm really start to feel the groove. Seems like it'd be a great rave-type song if it kept going. Like, forever. Oh, hell yes, that'd be awesome.

But if you want something a bit more freaky, check out this craziness, which is actually the source of the audio of the last one. I'm not sure what scares me the most about this last one -- the dude dressed like a satanic wizard zapping a kid out of existence or the educational hip-hop song in the middle about some dude getting laid.

I give thanks for this website

2005-11-24T12:16:00.000-06:00

Once again, I know I'm the last person in the universe to find out about this site, but here it is anyway. Songs to Wear Pants To. The premise: this musical genius takes requests from anyone then composes and performs (solo) a song in any genre from barbershop quartet to hiphop. And sometimes both, as in the case of song #0153. It's fuckin' brilliant.

Hear me roar

2005-11-23T14:45:00.000-06:00

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart
...
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
--- John Mayer, "Daughters"

This song pisses me off. I heard a cover of it on the radio the other day, and it's been pissing me off ever since.

I think it's a culmination of several things that have irked me in varying degrees over the past couple of weeks. The most notable of which is Maureen-fucking-Dowd's new mother-fucking book. "Are Men Necessary?" Now, having said all that, I'll admit I haven't actually read the son of a bitch, so I can't really comment too much about it. However, I do know from reading various reviews and commentaries on it that one of her points is that men are afraid of (or otherwise less attracted to) women who are intelligent and/or successful. Ergo, feminism has failed because successful and/or intelligent women can't get a date.

Okay. This really pisses me off. Mainly because I, myself, am attracted to successful and/or intelligent women. Ergo, I can't get a date, because women think this bullshit is true. Well, okay, that would be true, except that I'm dating someone now. But lemme tell ya, it was damn hard work finding her.

The point is: everyone should just be themselves. Enough of this nonsense. I'm a guy who likes classical music, singing, and Shakespeare. I'm dating a girl who loves action movies and hates romantic comedies. Can't we all just get along?

H to the Pot times 4

2005-11-21T09:37:00.000-06:00

Saw the new Harry Potter flick this weekend. It rocked my socks. This was the first HP movie I'd seen after having read the corresponding book, so I did have a few moments of "Wait, what happened to the part where..." But, you know, it's a matter of 700 pages versus a 2.5 hour time limit. But the ending was sufficiently horrifying. Once again I say, how in the hell do people think these books are for children?

Fun story about the wait to get in: the movie started at 8:00, and we (by which I mean me and a certain special someone who shall remain nameless for the moment) got to the theatre at around 6:45. We were told we couldn't go into the theatre yet because there were too many people inside. They directed us to some holding line outside. Funny thing about that -- there totally wasn't a damn holding line outside. So we created our own line in the box office area. About 15 other folks joined us. So time passes, and the time comes to let the folks in. Well, turns out there was a line outside hidden somewhere behind the damn building. So the powers-that-be decided to let those people go in first. You know, 'cuz they were in the real line and all. Well, I was fine with that, but the crazy Jewish mother behind me wasn't so much. Now, when you read this, imagine Kyle's (from South Park) mom. She sounded (and even kind of looked) exactly like that.

Crazy Jewish Mother: We've been waiting here for an hour! And that guy [pointing to dude working the box office] told us we could wait here! [that's true, actually]

Theatre Person: Well, those people have been standing outside since 6:00, so we're going to let them in first.

CJM: But he told us we could wait here.

TP: Look, I'm not sure what you were told, but we've got to let these other people in first. You can wait here if you want, and we'll let you in after them.

[Now a sea of folks who have been waiting outside begin to enter the theatre. CJM (and my date, the crafty wench) surreptitiously blend in with the crowd.]

TP (exasperated): Look, if you want to cut in front of people who have been waiting outside for two hours, fine. IT'S ONLY A MOVIE!!

At that point, I just shrugged my shoulders, knocked a random 12-year-old out of the way, stepped on an old lady, and headed to the sweet-ass seats my companion had saved for us.

The moral of the story: Children's literature ain't nothing to fuck with.

Hippies gone wild

2005-11-14T15:48:00.000-06:00

My alma mater's gonna have some smack talked about it on The O'Reilly Factor, apparently. Check it:

Back of Book Segment
Brown U. sex party
Guest: Factor producer Jesse Watters
We'll tell you about a shocking sex party held at Brown University. Our producer was there and he has a first-hand report.

Let me tell you what this is all about. The LGBTA at Brown throws two big parties every year called "SexPowerGod" and "StarF*ck". Highlights include scandalous posters around campus (that never fail to spark ridiculous debates in the Brown Daily Herald), people dressed somewhat less-than-family-friendly, and copious amounts of dancing, booze, and loud music. In other words, basically your average college-type party, though perhaps with more scantily-clad folks than what you might expect. Now, I never actually went to one of these deals (really, mom, I didn't), but I'm reasonably certain that there aren't any orgies breaking out or even sex with donkeys a la Bachelor Party. What I guess makes this party so offensive to O'Reilly is that it's sponsored by the gays, and we can't have those degenerates poisoning the minds of our youth, can we?

Anything to add, Mikey?

Kids freak me out

2005-11-14T09:25:00.000-06:00

I went to see the Chamber Chorus' second concert yesterday. It was predictably amazing. This children's choir sang with them, and let me tell you something -- those kids can sing. They put my elementary school's Special Singers to shame.

The last song on the program was kinda weird. The text was an acrostic poem about Alice in Wonderland. By the way, for those of you who don't know, an acrostic poem is that kind of poem where the first letter of each line spells out something (in this case, Alice's full name, Alice Pleasance Liddell...yeah, I didn't know that either). So the weird part was that as the Chamber Chorus was singing, the children's choir would do this freaky stage whisper of the first letter of each line. At first, you're thinking, "what the fuck was that?" Then you start getting into it, and it's like, "hey, this is pretty cool". But by the end of the song, you're thinking, "holy shit, the kids are possessed by Satan and are going to eat me!"

Er...maybe that's just me.

I also saw a stage version of "Reefer Madness" this weekend, courtesy of the Magic Smoking Monkey Theatre. It certainly made me think twice about smoking pot. Or sitting in the front row at one of the performances, as there was a copious amount of stage drool being flung about. I understand there's also a musical version of this deal -- I'm sure it's at least on par with anything Andrew Lloyd Webber ever wrote.

Sweeps week = retarded

2005-11-07T16:29:00.000-06:00

Having said that, I'll admit that I did watch the live episode of The West Wing last night. I still don't get why it was live, exactly. I mean, what's the point if they're just gonna read a damn script? What would've been cool is if there was a small section at the end for Santos and Vinnick to take questions from the audience. Not a long time -- maybe just 5 minutes or so. Something to justify the liveness. It would've been neat to watch Alan Alda and Jimmy Smiths improv.

But the stupidest sweeps week promo ever has gotta be Medium. 3-D? What the fuck? Are we back in the '80s now?

In other news, I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show this weekend. That is one helluva movie-going experience, I'll tell you what. If you ever have the opportunity to go, I highly recommend it. And be sure to tell all the friendly folks at the show that you're a virgin. Trust me. You'll get special treatment.

By the power vested in me...

2005-11-04T15:04:00.000-06:00

Okay, folks. Enough is enough. I am invoking my powers as an English major. For far too long, we've had to put up with awkward constructions when speaking about an undefined, gender-neutral third person. In speaking, we say, "He/she" or "him or her". In writing, we have the abbreviated but still obnoxious, "s/he". Well, screw that crap. It's time we get a gender-neutral pronoun like the rest of the world.

The good news is, we already have one -- "They". Now, I know what you're thinking -- that "they" is plural. Well, guess what? Now it's gonna be singular, too. That's what I'm gonna do for you fine people. Everybody already uses "they" that way, anyway, why not just make it official?

So, by the power vested in me, by virtue of my over-priced and under-used Ivy League diploma, I hereby declare "they" and "them" to be gender-neutral singular third-person pronouns. Go in peace. And if you should pass by a fellow English-speaker on the street, tell them the good news. They will thank you for it.

Ya damne righte

2005-10-27T12:17:00.000-05:00

And now, because I'm an English geek (and you should be, too):

The theme song to Shaft if Chaucer had written it. I actually printed this out and posted it on my cube at work. I showed it to one of my coworkers who, of course, didn't get it. So I read it aloud (I knew that education would be useful someday). It's a lot more enjoyable that way. I recommend everybody give it a try.

There's something I've been wanting to post about, but it'd be a major violation of Tony P's Rule #5, so I'll hold off for now. Suffice it to say, I've been inspired to read Robert Jordan books.

I am one mysterious mofo.

OMG, the new Harry Potter flick comes out in only a few weeks! I knew I still had a reason to live.

Where do bad folks go when they die?

2005-10-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

I received my brother's b-day present yesterday: a copy of Stiff by The Man, Tony Pierce. I burned through that shit like it was Harry Potter. Y'see, besides video game music, my other fetish is depictions of the Afterlife. So this book hit all my sweet spots. The basic "plot", if you can call it that (the structure doesn't really lend itself to labels like "plot" or "denouement" or "ending"), is our hero, Tony P, dies untimely and goes on a little spiritual journey led by Kurt Cobain. Think Divine Comedy, but written by a guy who's really into sex and rock 'n roll. And also way funnier. It's awesome. If your name is Mikey, you should definitely check it out, because there's lots of stuff about music thrown in there. Plus, it's awesome. Oh, and there's a collection of poems at the end of the deal that are also really cool. Did I mention it's awesome?

Thanks, bro. Good bookage.

Two-five represent

2005-10-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

25, my friends. A quarter of a century. Half-way to thirty. Old enough to run for Congress.

...I think that's all I have to say about that.

The best and worst part about having a birthday is all the food. I might have mentioned that I'm trying to get in shape. Being bombarded with chocolate cakes and M&Ms and all other manners of refined sugar doesn't help so much with that. Eh, who am I kidding. Chocolate is my lord and master.

Looking at the clock, I realize that it's actually around this time exactly that I was emerging into the world from out the nether regions of my mother. There's your mental picture for the day.

...You're welcome.

I also found out that both Eminem and Wyclef Jean share my birthday, and are both 33 today. Thus proving once and for all that I am hella cool. Recognize.

Squeee!

2005-10-15T10:31:00.000-05:00

As my brother could tell you, I kind of have a thing for video game music. So, needless to say, when I heard that there was this thing called Video Games Live, I was psyched. Then I found out it was only happening on the west coast, and I was saddened. But today, I just found out they're touring across the country ... including the Lou. Thursday, November 10 at the Pageant.

I literally squealed with joy.

Now, it would be nice if one of you people out there went with me, but if you don't, I'm going alone, bitches. Nobody will stand between me and the best concert in the history of concerts. Geek on!

Corn chips are no place for a mighty warrior

2005-10-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know it's not particularly original to post a link to Homestarrunner, but the newest Teen Girl Squad actually made me hurt myself laughing. If you haven't already watched it -- especially if your name is Mikey -- you must do so forthwith. Even if you've never seen anything else on Homestarrunner. Although it might help to watch the other Teen Girl Squads first...there are only 10 of 'em.

Other things I've found recently on the interweb that make me laugh (and will make you laugh, too, unless you're a humorless bastard):

The new Joss Whedon project.

Do me. I can't really explain why this one makes me laugh. But damn.

Oh, and I've finally broken down and turned on word verification. Take that, ya fuckin' spammers.

Rock the abbey

2005-10-10T16:02:00.000-05:00

So it turns out I did, in fact, get to sing in the concert. Yay! The acoustics in the abbey were awesome. And even though my voice cracked something fierce on the last note of the last song, it was a blast. And check this shit out -- they paid me to sing. Seriously. Now, we're not talking about a lot here, but enough to, say, buy a few 12-packs of your favorite beer. Or to buy a lifetime supply of Pabt's Blue Ribbon. Man, I tell ya, if I could get paid enough to make a living doing this, I would totally quit my job today. Now I just need to become a rockstar like Mikey. Or maybe just a backup singer. I could play the cowbell and do some awesome dance moves while he sings "Viking's Funeral". Or I could just be a roadie. That would be pretty cool, too.

Unfortunately, the director told me I won't be singing in the next concert. Some other tenor dude is going to be in the group for that one. But I may be back for concert #3, which features some medievel Christmas music. That'd be fun. This next concert involves the group singing with a children's choir, I believe. And -- special note of interest to you Copland fans -- another song by Copland. Something called "Las Agachadas" I believe. Those of you who speak Spanish, feel free to chime in with a translation. I think it has something to do with shaking and/or dancing.

Not enough hours in the day

2005-10-07T17:26:00.000-05:00

Attention all my fellow St. Louisians: The Chamber Chorus is having its first concert this SUNDAY (Sunday, sunday...). 3:00 PM at the St. Louis Abbey, the shit goes down. By which I mean, some awesome classical music will be sung. And who knows? I might actually be among the folk singing. Come one, come all, and prepare to have your mind blown.

The bad side of all this singing is that I don't have enough time to do ... well, anything else. My entire day Saturday is going to be taken up by the dress rehearsal for the aforementioned concert. How's a guy supposed to fit in video games?

Whilst my brother was in town, he recommended (read: shoved into my hands) a book by Tom Robbins entitled Jitterbug Perfume. I'm still not that far along, but so far I've established that beets are somehow important in the grand scheme of things. I was really digging the section about Alobar, the king of some pre-Roman Germanic tribe, but then the narrative jumped to modern day. Which is a shame, because I've always found the ancient folk of the British Isles more interesting than some waitress in Seattle.

Suggestion to the powers-that-be at Bloggerland: How's about something that lets you view the most recent updates to one's blog? For example, when I logged in today, I noticed that my deal was last updated today, which I'm pretty sure means somebody commented on one of my posts. But I don't know which one. That makes me sad.

Star Trek VI: Death

2005-10-03T13:34:00.000-05:00

So when my brother was in town this weekend (for my cousin's wedding), much of our time was spent discussing/watching movies. Part of the discussion/watching centered around Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. My brother thinks this is a decent movie. I ... disagree. Bad acting, shitty dialogue, and at the end, the entire cast actually poses for one of the final shots. Lame lame lame. And to top off the lameness, the subtitle makes no sense. One of the characters makes a toast at one point to "the undiscovered country". After a brief pause where people kind of don't know what he's talking about, he clarifies: "the future."

Okay, now, I may be an English geek, but surely I'm not the only one who realizes this is completely wrong. "The undiscovered country" is a line in Hamlet's "to be or not to be" speech. Here are the lines that immediately preceed it:

who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

See what's going on here? "The undiscovered country" is death, not the future. My brother suggested this might be intended as irony, but the toast is made by this dude who is trying to spearhead negotioations between the Federation and the Klingons so that they'll all live in peace and be happy. So making a toast to death doesn't really make sense, ironic or not. Especially since Hamlet is talking about committing suicide. In his defense, though, the dude making the toast was himself a Klingon, so maybe he didn't quite catch what was going on. They're kind of dumb, you know.

And speaking of stupid movies, don't ever see "Ichi the Killer". It's fucking ridiculous. To give you an idea, the highlights include a dude who had his mouth widened (i.e., by cutting slits in his cheeks) but keeps his face together with piercings, and a torture scene involving shrimp tempura. Oh, and our hero killing people with uber-sharp razor blades in his shoes. As in, sharp enough to cut people in half. It is based off a manga, however, which I bet makes slightly more sense.

Best a cappella group evar.

2005-09-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

So tonite was the aforementioned concert. Now, I might've mentioned once or twice how I used to be in a classical a cappella group in college. I like to think that the Madrigals were pretty darn good. Maybe not the greatest singing group ever, but pretty good nonetheless. The Chamber Chorus, for whom I am merely an understudy, make the Madrigals look like a high school choir. The music is more complex, everybody in there (with the exception of me, most of the time) can sing and sight read like a son-of-a-bitch, and the Music Director is a goddam genius.

Back to tonight's concert. A total of seven choirs, including the Chamber Chorus, sang. One of them was called the Ambassadors of Harmony. They're an all-male choir, and from what I had heard about them, I was under the impression they were mainly devoted to barbershop-type music. But I also knew that they had some 160 or so members, so I wasn't quite sure how the whole barbershop aesthetic fit in to that.

Well, it turns out that they're not just in to barbershop. Really, they're in to kicking ass and taking names, musically-speaking. These dudes made the Chamber Chorus look like the Madrigals. Besides everyone in the group being able to sing like nobody's business, they throw in a few little visual performance-type things that really grab you by the balls and kick you in the face ... again, musically-speaking. Simple things, really, like this thing they do on every choral breath where all the singers simultaneously take a little step in place. It's hard to explain, but it looks really cool. Plus, everybody looked like they were really digging what they were doing, which is not something you're supposed to do in a traditional classical-music-type choir, but these guys ain't no classical-music-type choir. To wit, they sang an arrangement of "The Man of Lamancha". Now, my first impression was that it was a bit stereotypical-college-a-cappella-esque, what with musical instrument sound effects being provided by dudes going "da da da", but they made it about 1000 times cooler and 1000 times less dorky than, say, the Jabberwocks (a group from my alma mater who are every bit a stereotypical college a cappella group) doing 'N Sync.

Anyway, check out their website. It's a shame they don't perform more often -- I think they only have two shows a year or something. But goddam it, I'm going to the next one. Even if it is Christmas-themed.

Ode to the busblog

2005-09-23T15:50:00.000-05:00

I've decided that I love Tony Pierce. Not in a gay way, mind. Although, if that helped me be cool like Tony, I'd consider it. Plus, you know, it'd help me get rid of the Jesus Brigade -- that's my new name for David et al. Anyway, read this entry, and if you don't love him after that, then read this one. Man, I want to print out that list and carry it around in my wallet. But I've already fucked up on #5 ... oh well. The point is, he's awesome.

In other news -- if you're into classical music and/or helping vicitms of Katrina (and live in St. Louis), come to the Manchester United Methodist Church this Sunday at 7:30 p.m. There will be singing a-plenty, including yours truly in the St. Louis Chamber Chorus, and admission is free. But feel free to donate money -- all proceeds go to the Red Cross.

Can't you take a hint?

2005-09-22T15:46:00.000-05:00

The last time I hung out with David, a.k.a., my Personal Lord and Savior, was about 2 weeks ago. After our last get-together, he said to me, "I've always been the one to call you to invite you to hang out. I tell you what -- the next time, you call me." I'm thinking, Yes! A way out!

The motherfucker won't. stop. calling. me. Repeatedly. At work.

Last week he invited me to go camping with him and his family. I told him I had a doctor's appointment and had to go to the gym on Saturday, so I couldn't. Yeah, lame, I know, but short of telling him to fuck off, I couldn't think of a way to get rid of him. He just called me and invited me on another camping trip, this time with, not only his family, but "40 of his friends". Other selling points included the friends' children, David's brother bringing his guitar and leading group singalongs, and swimming.

Not for all the video games in Japan.

I told him Saturday is a Jewish holiday (which is true ... Selichot). Then began the harassment -- "Well, you can just come out on Friday and drive back that night..." "It's not that far away..." "There'll be barbecue..."

And the clincher: "You told me you didn't have a lot friends in St. Louis. Here's your chance!"

Okay, folks. I may not be Mr. Social Butterfly, but I don't see myself becoming bosom buddies with the Christian Coalition. In fact, I'm still kind of suspicious that this whole deal is just to convert me. So while it would be kind of nice to have a bunch of friends or whatever, I'd rather not hang out with people who make me want to strangle them.

Maybe I should just tell him I'm gay. That'd shut him up right quick.

I feel the cosmos

2005-09-20T16:43:00.000-05:00

It occurs to me that I haven't talked about anything geek-related in a while. Fortunately, I just got my copy of Katamari Damacy.

Holy. Crap.

I love this game. It's the most bizarre damn thing ever made. Quick summary: The King of All Cosmos gets drunk one night (in the original Japanese version, at least...it seems like he just gets stoned or something in the American version) and wrecks all the stars in the sky. He sends his son, you, to Earth to rebuild the stars. How? By rolling up anything and everything you can find with your sticky ball of wonder, the Katamari. That's pretty much it for the plot.

The soundtrack is so friggin' awesome/hilarious that I want to cry. It ranges from crazy classical-Clockwork-Orange-techno style stuff to J-Pop tunes. My favorite song so far: the lounge-singer-style "I want to roll you into my life". It's so cheesy it's funny.

The controls take some getting used to -- the buttons don't do anything in the game. You control the Katamari solely with the right and left thumbsticks, which kind of makes it feel like you're driving a tank around.

Other than that, it's awesome. Go play it now. Especially if you happen to have some hallucinogenic drugs lying around. That will definitely enhance your gaming experience.

David's Inferno

2005-09-19T09:16:00.000-05:00

Lo, God hath granted me a vision of what awaits those who do not follow the path of Goodness and Light. Verily, I shall share it with thee. Hold on to thine hats.

Okay, so actually, the dream started out with me watching "Angel", my Joss Wheadon-created guilty pleasure. Somehow, the characters all ended up in hell. Why not? Now, at this point, I either join them or take the place of one of them (Angel maybe?). Hell is pretty bad, it turns out, but not as bad as you might think. More like a maximum security prison with psychological torments added in for fun. For example, everyone is compelled to obey Satan and kneel before him.

Quick description of Satan: He's fat, bearded, and has an English accent. And his skin, while fairly reddish, also has splotches of black. Oh, and he has a big ol' tail that he can use like a branding iron. I learned about that little feature when some chick I was with tried to get uppity. She said something like, "What are you going to do to me if I don't do what you want? I'm already dead; you can't kill me again." And Satan said, "Well, you're right about that," and then proceeded to whip out his tail and burn her arm with it. This hurt real bad, as one might imagine.

Back to hell. Most of one's time, it seems, is spent just trying to make a living, so to speak. Everybody has little tasks they're assigned to, like washing the dishes or foraging for food. Oh yeah, the food. The meals in hell pretty much suck, it turns out. There are these nasty little sprouts that grow all over the place that look kind of like seaweed, but ... erm ... nastier. That's all you get to eat.

Now, I mentioned some psychological torments: you're not allowed to have fun. What I mean is, there's some kind of magical field surrounding the place that monitors your state of mind. If you start to relax or become accustomed to the state of things, it's like you're given a dose of anti-Prozac. Also, and I'm not sure if this is part of the deal for everyone or just me, you share your sleeping quarters with someone you find really attractive and who feels the same way about you, but, of course, you're not allowed to have sex. Anti-Prozac field, don't you know.

However, there is good news. It seems it's possible to escape from hell. Not quite sure of the details, but it involves Satan's back being turned and you closing your mind off somehow. So you get out of hell, but you're still a spirit. So to de-spiritfy yourself, you have to find a big ol' machine that looks kind of like one of those ferris wheels with the egg-shaped cars. Now, you have to move quick, because the minions of hell are, as you'd expect, highly pissed that you've escaped and are coming after you full steam. So hop in the ferris-wheel-thingie and press the big "Go" button. Here's the tricky part -- the machine takes a few minutes to run. So you've got to find someway to distract the hellions while that's going on. But assuming you've managed that and the machine can run its full course, you're back to mortal form once again. However, you may be deaf. But hey, it beats being in hell.

Now ye are warned, children. Avoid the nasty tubers and branding-tail of Satan. Beware the magical misery field and the hot chick who putteth out not. Amen.

Music history lesson of the day

2005-09-14T21:52:00.000-05:00

Listen to this song. It'll sound familiar. But keep in mind, this song was written first. Here are the lyrics. Now, maybe, like most things, I'm the last guy to know about this, but I thought it was pretty interesting.

Attention my erstwhile colleagues in the Brown Madrigal Singers: y'all should sing this song. It'll blow the audience's mind. And educate 'em, too. Oh, and while I'm giving you unasked-for advice -- your programs should include the lyrics to the songs. It'll make your audience much happier.

Your assignment, class ...

2005-09-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, read this poem and tell me what you think it means. I have my own ideas, but I want to see if somebody else agrees with me. I'm actually learning this in song-form as part of my music lessons. Did I mention I did finally manage to find a vocal music teacher? And he's quite affordable, too. Yay!

Oh, here's another assignment. Tell me what the Jewish holiday "S'lichot" (or "Selichot" or "Slichot"...I've seen it spelled a bunch of different ways) is all about. Or if you've even heard of it. I sure hadn't until I found out that I need to sing in the service for it in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of being Jewish, I got an email today telling me that I need to come to a mandatory NASD certification dealie on Oct. 13. Which, if you're keeping score, is the same day as Yom Kippur. So I told 'em I couldn't make it. You know, you'd think an organization that deals with money would be more sensitive to the needs of Jews. Other fun "token Jew" fact -- I got an email from one of my old bosses in RI asking me if it was "appropriate" to have a little party-at-work on Rosh Hashannah. I told her that, besides Jews not actually being at work to participate, it's fine, as long as there are plenty of virgins and goats around to sacrifice to Cthulu.

Another "token Jew" conversation I had at work between me and a coworker named Sonya, who is Black:

Me: "You know, it's kind of tough being the token minority around here."

Sonya: "Kid, you're preaching to the choir."

For the record, though -- there are at least 4 other Black people in my department. Haven't found any other Jews yet. Maybe we just blend in too well.

In which I meet a cute puppy and almost die in an elevator

2005-09-10T23:57:00.000-05:00

Tonight I hung out with a friend of mine from high school at her fancy-shmancy loft in downtown St. Louis. It is one helluva loft, I tell you what. She got it because her parents do some kind of real estate dealings, and the place isn't going to be sold for another year, so they let her and her boyfriend have it. I got to meet and play with their cute puppy that they named "Monster". He was not at all Monster-like. Well, he did try to bite me a few times, but they were play bites.

So I'm heading back down to the basement to my car via an elevator. I press the "B" button, the elevator descends, stops ... and nothing happens. I hit the Open Door button. Nothin'. I hit some other buttons trying to get the elevator to go to another floor. Nada. I wait a minute, then try pressing some more buttons. They light up for a few seconds, then nothing. There wasn't one of those stop/run switches, so I press the button that says "press to call". A dial tone comes out of a speaker, then some pre-programmed number gets dialed, followed by the operator-lady telling me the number I'm trying to call has been disconnected. I check my cell phone -- no signal.

Hmm...this is interesting...

Figuring I have no choice left, I press the alarm button. A bell rings while I hold the button down, then nothing. I figure somebody must've heard that, so I hold it down for a little while longer.

Well, obviously, I'm not going to be stuck in an elevator all night. One of these damn buttons must do something.

About 10 minutes later, I decide to switch up my tactics a bit. Maybe the bell isn't loud enough. So I start yelling for help. I figure in a few minutes, somebody will at least notice a dude screaming in an elevator.

Another 10 minutes go by, my throat is starting to get hoarse. The thought that crosses my mind is:

I probably should save my voice for the morning when somebody will actually walk by and hear me yelling.

Pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm going to be sleeping in an elevator tonight, I sit on the floor and try to get comfortable. It's not an uncomfortable elevator, actually. Definitely long enough so that I can stretch out. More time passes. Then the next thought that crosses my mind is:

I remember when I was a kid I had a deathly fear of elevators. I always thought I was going to die in one...

Then I notice that it's actually uncomfortably warm in there. Is this thing airtight? How much air can an elevator hold?

So I'm up and yelling and pressing the alarm button again. Still nothing. I try to pry the door open with my fingers. Shut too tight. I kick it ninja-style a few times. Probably not going to kick through a half foot of metal, chief. I press the call button again. This time I get a different recording:

"Thank you for calling. Our normal office hours are 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM central time, Monday through Friday..."

Well, I guess I can make it 'til Monday. I had a pretty big dinner...

Now I notice that the screaming has made my throat dry, so I stop. I pull out my keys and manage to wedge one into the door. I try to pry the doors open, but my key just bends. Check my cell phone again -- still no signal. I take a few deep breaths. I try the key thing again, still no luck. So then I get a bright idea: Use two keys. So I cram two keys into the door, and that works well enough so that I can fit my hands in the gap. I brace myself, then pull as hard as I can. I manage to pry the doors open.

The elevator is stuck about a foot above the floor. I hop out and down, get in my car, and drive away. Then I make a phone call to the friend.

Me: Jenny?

Jenny: Yes?

Me: I have something important to tell you.

Jenny: What's that?

Me: Your elevator is broken.

Jenny: What?

Me: I just spent a half hour stuck in your elevator.

Jenny: ...Are you joking?

Me: I am dead-fucking-serious. You should probably call somebody about that.

Jenny: Wow...I'm really sorry.

Me: Well, just thought you should know. Give Monster a kiss for me. 'Night.

Okay, I didn't actually tell her to give her dog a kiss. But the rest is true. Now, in the end, I was only stuck in there for about a half hour. But goddam, did that freak me out.

Other random music thoughts

2005-09-08T23:40:00.000-05:00

1) I've decided that I really like that song "100 Years" by Five for Fighting. Does that make me a pansy?

2) I also really like the band Travis. Or, at least, the song "Writing to Reach You". Mikey, any opinions on this one?

By the way... no more anonymous comments on this blog. Not after teh spammorz found me. Fuckin' spammers. Don't make me turn on word verification.

Midi master

2005-09-07T19:39:00.000-05:00

So, um, is it illegal to make and then distribute midi files from sheet music? 'Cuz I've made a bunch of 'em based on the music we're singing in the ol' chorus, and I'd love to share 'em with y'all so you can get a taste of the awesomeness. But I'd rather not get arrested if at all possible.

I do love me some midis.

Archaic vocabulary lesson of the day

2005-09-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

Dight = dressed, covered. From the Old English "dihtan" (where the "h" is pronounced like a kind of Hebrew "ch") meaning "to arrange".

Now you can read "Faire is the Heav'n" by Edmund Spenser. And tell me what the hell is going on with the rhyme scheme. It gets funky about halfway through.

We're singing that song in the Chamber Chorus. It's awesome. As is everything else we're/they're singing. Y'all should come see the concert. It's gonna be hawt.

Other random thing I learned yesterday -- since the rehearsal took place on a holiday, the normal place we rehearse was closed. So instead, we rehearsed at the school where the director teaches, John Burroughs. Those of you from the Lou may recognize that as the hoity-toity private school where all the rich people send their kids. Anyway, their school day is really strange -- they go from about 8:15 to 4:30, divided into 10 periods of about 42 minutes each. What the hell? Plus, I'm told that that schedule includes time for sports, as every student has to play a sport. What the double hell? I also happened to find a pamphlet lying around that showed the top 20 or so colleges the class of '05 went to. Harvard got 15. Brown got 6. What the mother fuck? Don't you people know Harvard sucks?

Huh. I should probably be doing something work-related now.

"Opinions are like assholes..."

2005-08-27T14:32:00.000-05:00

Friday nights have become movie night at David's house. Yesterday, we watched a really awful movie called "The Weight of Water". Not even worth going into the details. Suffice it to say, it sucked. But in it, Elizabeth Hurley (who has a topless scene, it should be noted) plays this kinda ho-bag of a character who's trying to seduce Sean Penn's character, who is married or something (I wasn't really paying attention). So I started making wise-ass remarks like, "That Liz Hurley is such a slut. But she sure is cute, eh?" So after one such remark, David pauses the movie, and we have the following conversation. Now, I say it's a conversation, but it's really more like a monologue in which I thought responses back at him, but never actually said anything. So I'll put my thought-responses in italics.

David: But what's the point in someone being cute if they're like that? See, I think, in this country, people, men and women both, put too much emphasis on superficial things like appearance. Now, don't get me wrong, I think God --

Me: I actually rolled my eyes here, but he didn't notice

David: -- made man and woman to be together. It's natural they should be attracted to each other.

Me: I'm afraid I see where this is going...

David: So I don't think homosexuals were created by God that way or were born that way or anything. I think it's an unnatural choice those people make.

Me: Actually speechless. In my mind.

April (As though it were the most obvious thing in the world): It's in the Bible!

Me: You know what else is in the Bible? That women can't speak in church and shellfish are an abomination. So let's be consistent, shall we? Why don't you be a good little Christian and shut the fuck up?

David: But, you know what they say ... opinions are like assholes; everyone's got one.

Me: Yeah, and some are shitty.

David: You look like you wanted to say something just now?

Me (grinning): About assholes?

David: No, about what I was just saying.

Me: Oh ... You fucking bigotted asshole. I knew we could never be friends. Fucking stupid son of a bitch. Nope.

And we watched the rest of the crappy movie. And Liz Hurley is friggin' hawt.

By the way, thanks to OnlyConnect for pointing out the humorous bible quotes.

Oy gevault

2005-08-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

Last night was my first rehearsal with the CRC choir. For the benefit of the goyim, CRC = Central Reform Congregation, a groovy little synagogue. It was like being back in Encore. (Yes, I know we spelled it "Enchor", but that's actually just stupid). Wide range of vocal ability and experience and the music wasn't too hard. Unlike Encore (post-Jaime Alberts, I mean), there were people in charge who actually knew what they were doing. And, also unlike Encore, a whole lotta people showed up. And we sang a bunch of Jewish stuff. But besides all that, just like Encore. What I mean to say is, it was a lot of fun, and a nice change of pace from the harrowing experience of the SLCC. Plus, I'll actually get to perform with the CRC choir, so that's always nice.

Speaking of college groups that I sang in, I happened to check in on the Madrigals, and I noticed that, like, 3/4 of the group just graduated, if that list of members on the website is accurate. So now, they've got 1 soprano, 1 alto, 2 tenors, and 2 basses. Yikes. I hope that list didn't include spring semester auditions. Or a bunch of the new alums stay in Rhode Island and keep singing with the group. Then again, I guess that would just be kind of weird.

In the beginning...

2005-08-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

Tonight was my first rehearsal with the Chamber Chorus.

Holy. Shit.

So, um, glad I'm just an understudy. Because the music is completely overwhelming. And everybody else kicks my ass. Vocally speaking. Let me ask you other members of the chorus something -- how do you all pick up a piece of music you've never seen before and sing it like you've been practicing it for years? Does everybody have perfect pitch except for me? Wtf, mate?

The theme of the first concert is "In The Beginning". 'Cuz it's the 50th anniversary of the chorus, and we're* singing stuff that they sang in year one. And we're also singing this monstrous song by Aaron Copland called ... "In The Beginning". It's Genesis I:1 - II:7 (you know, all the "In the beginning, god created the heaven and the earth" stuff) set to crazy music. It's fucking awesome. Pretty much the best version of anything from the Bible set to music evar. Find a recording of it and you'll see what I mean. But prepare to have your proverbial socks blown off.

*Note: By "we", I really mean "they", seeing as how I'm an understudy 'n all. But I like to pretend I'm really part of the chorus. I'm like a classical music groupie. Which is like any other kind of groupie except without the sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. So, um, not really like a groupie.

Attention internets -- find me a vocal teacher who doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Thank you.

The nose in front of your face

2005-08-18T21:28:00.000-05:00

So, uh, it turns out there is a website devoted to the live-action old-school video game things. Mega64 it's called. From the site's info section:

"In the not too distant future, a former videogame programmer and mad scientist Dr. Poque grows weary of the world's games. Shunned from society, he invents the most powerful videogame console ever created- The Mega64; A machine powerful enough to download old videogames into users' brains, making them embarrassingly real."

There are only 8 videos on the site, but apparently there's some kind of DVD. And these guys have mentioned on VH1's Best Week Ever and G4TV. Thus proving that I really was the last person to hear about them.

The internets are a powerful thing

2005-08-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I like to go through old posts and read the comments. It pays off, ocassionally, 'cuz I find new comments that random people have posted. For example, this one from a guy I went to high school with. Maybe if I say his name again, he'll appear once more. Todd Kosloff!

Go, Internets. Do my bidding.

The geek version of Jackass

2005-08-17T19:47:00.000-05:00

Surely, there's a site full of these things somewhere out there. But until I find it...

Live action Paperboy. As with the live action Ghosts 'n Goblins, only my brother and Mikey will find this funny. And my dream girl, wherever she is.

Samaritans suck

2005-08-14T13:28:00.000-05:00

I was hangin' out with my new buddy Dave and his wife, April, the other night. Two things happened that kind of concerned me. And I feel comfortable posting about them because I know he doesn't have a computer. Funny sidestory -- I was trying to have a conversation with him once, and I said, "Hey, did you hear that there's gonna be a new version of Windows coming out in a year?" And he said, "Um...what's that?" So, yeah, probably not gonna find my blog.

1) We were talking about music, and I said something about how I liked Tori Amos. April's response: "Oh yeah, I knew a guy once who liked Tori Amos. He was bisexual." Now, notice she didn't say, "Oh, I haven't listened to much of her stuff" or "Oh, I don't really care for her myself," or "Yeah, I had a friend once who really liked her." Directly to bisexual. Interesting. But I'd have let that slide if it weren't for the next incident.

2) Relevant bit of backstory for this: when I first went out to lunch with Dave (after he helped change my flat tire), he was telling me about his church and stuff. He asked me if I ever go to church, and I told him I was Jewish. Point is, he knows I'm jewish. I'm sure he told his wife as well.

So I'm sitting next to her, and she was reading her Bible to herself (did I mention that Dave is kinda religious?). All of a sudden, she just kinda says, "Wow." So, I try to strike up a conversation. 'Cuz I'm thinking, Hey, I'm an English major; I have a passing familiarity with the Bible. So I ask her what she's reading, and it's some story about how Jesus stopped along a road to talk to a Samaritan. April's commentary:

"It was really amazing that he did that, because back then, Jews didn't talk to the Samaritans. Jesus was awesome!"

So now I'm thinking, Wait ... did she just Jew-bash me? Was that a coincidence? At the time, I just kind of nodded my head and smiled. "Yeah, Jesus was a pretty great fella." But the more I think about it, the less I think it was coincidence. I think they're setting me up for the big Conversion pitch. And it really bums me out, because I thought I had a new friend. Turns out I had a missionary instead.

G-d damn it.

In which Johnny Depp and a fat man screw my ex and wreck my apartment

2005-08-11T14:37:00.000-05:00

Check out this crazy-ass dream I had last night:

So I come home to my apartment, and some fat dude and my ex are sprawled out on a table, going at it.

Wait, before I get started, I just wanted to point out that I can say whatever I want about my ex since she doesn't read my blog anymore. Watch: SCREW YOU, KATIE! See? Nothin'.

Back to the story: so Fat Man and Katie see me walk in and stop. I'm all like, "what's going on?" And they're like, "Hey, you know..." Then I see that Johnny Depp is there, and he starts getting uppity. So we're about to throw down, and then Katie steps in and breaks us apart. She says something to me along the lines of, "If you had watched this documentary about him, you wouldn't be trying to pick a fight with him. He's a really nice guy." So then I get really pissed, because I've just noticed a big-ass hole in the floor of my apartment that Johnny Depp has created for the purpose of storing beer. Don't ask me how that works -- I guess I have refrigerated floors in my dream apartment. So I start screaming at Katie, "This isn't your apartment, it's MINE!" Except that I hold out the "mine" for a really long time, like I'm an opera singer or a ninja or something.

Then I wake up, and I'm really scared for some reason. Maybe I thought Johnny Depp was still in my apartment, diggin' up my parquet to make a wine cellar. Maybe I thought my ex and the fat man (who, after he put on his clothes, actually seemed to be in pretty good shape) were still doing the nasty on my kitchen table.

Anyways, it was super weird, and now you all know about how my subconscious works.

Arthur says, "What now!"

2005-08-03T19:41:00.000-05:00

Like most Internet memes and fads, I'm probably the last guy to hear about this one, but here it goes anyway. Check it. Live action Ghosts 'n Goblins. Fuggin' hilarious.

Two caveats:

1) The only people who will find this funny are Mikey and my brother.

2) I got a "error occurred inside the plugin" when I tried to view the video on the website, but when I downloaded it and ran it from my compy, it worked.

Mozart -- NSFW?

2005-08-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

Inspired by the link Mikey posted in a recent comment to Tourettes Guy, I decided to look up what Tourette's Syndrome was really like. Wikipedia's entry on the subject cleared up a lot of stuff for me. For example, coprolalia, the urge to yell out socially-unacceptable words and epithets, is actually a much less common symptom of TS than other things, like motor tics or coughing.

Wiki also had a link to this article in which a composer argues that Mozart suffered from TS. Evidence? Among other things, that he was obsessed with writing naughty words. For example, he wrote an allegedly beautiful song entitled "Lick Out My Arsehole". Yeah, I'm not kidding. Quoth the composer:

"When you write a song, as Mozart did, called Lick Out My Arsehole, that in itself is not so shocking judged by the standards of his day. But what is very odd and Touretty about it is that he set it to the most gorgeous, sublime tune. It's Tourettishly inappropriate."

Tourettishly inappropriate indeed. I challenge you, surfers of the Internets, to find me an mp3 of this song. I mean, somebody, somewhere must've performed and recorded it. How could they not?

Mozart -- the original Johnny Rotten.

Pain -- it's not just French bread

2005-07-27T21:50:00.000-05:00

Lemme tell ya: Getting in shape sucks. We're talking "wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night" kind of pain. On the plus side, I can now have conversations that begin with me saying, "I was at the gym the other day..." Chicks dig that. Or so I'm told. Now I just need to find some chicks. Also, I've started drinking this protein supplement (for muscle-building purposes, seeing as how I lack ... um, muscles) which tastes exactly like chocolate milk. So that's nice.

Plus, the exercising (and subsequent pain) takes my mind off the job stuff. Which also kinda sucks right now. 35 clients asking me for stuff + me not knowing what the hell I'm doing = me going bald a lot quicker than I would be otherwise.

Although I did learn about a fun little website called FreeErisa that allows you to take a look at the past 5500s companies have filed with the IRS. For those of you not in the know, the 5500 is a form (series of forms, really) that companies with retirement or other "employee welfare" plans (don't ask) have to file every year disclosing various tidbits about them. For example, Google's 401k plan had 1048 participants with balances at the end of 2003. And $18,053,693 in net assets at the end of 2003 (up from $5,118,733 at the beginning of the year...damn, that's a big jump). Yeehaw!

The Parable of the Flat Tire

2005-07-21T11:41:00.000-05:00

Not a pleasant way to start your morning, let me tell you. Especially when you can't find the goddam jack.

As I was struggling with a jack that was lent to me by a mechanic that Bill knows, this guy pulls over and offers to help me. Check this out: he also drives an old white Toyota Camry and his name is also David. That's some freaky coincidence right there. So David helps me out with the changing of the tire. Afterwards he says:

"Do you mind, I'm going to pray with you?"
Me: "Um, no go ahead."

So he prays. A little prayer to Jesus thanking Him for allowing him the opportunity to help out his fellow man.

It's enough to make you want to convert. Or at least rediscover your religion in a way that doesn't involve Holy Muffins and getting dressed up to impress the yentas at Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur.

...And I'm done

2005-07-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

Just finished the book. Note to J.K. Rowling: you, lady, are nuts. There are gonna be a lot of 8-year-olds crying for their mommies in the next few days. And asking them what "snogging" means. Not necessarily in that order. All I'm saying is, you thought the Jerry Falwell crowd was pissed about the magic stuff? Well, now they've got a lot more to be pissed about. I don't want to say too much for fear of ruining the plot (although it's kinda already been ruined thanks to the internets), but goddam. Goddam.

So, uh, yeah. It's fuggin' ridiculous. Now begins the long wait for the grand finale. Which, if the pattern holds, should be coming out around the same time as movie #5. Maybe by the time I'm 27, I'll have lost interest. Eh...nah.

Geek on!

2005-07-15T13:17:00.000-05:00

My plan tonite: Gym, then camp out at Borders. I am so friggin' pumped I almost kicked my mom in the face. Then I saw this poster for the next movie, and I almost kicked myself in the face.

Now, I've heard some crazy shit about the plot of this book via this post on BoingBoing, but I refuse to believe what this dude claims will happen is true. But if, a few nights from now, you hear me screaming a la Darth Vader, you'll know why.

I feel like I'm in Empire Records. Today is Harry Potter day!

This is your gom jabbar

2005-07-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

Either the pain in my arms and legs is causing me to hallucinate, or I'm actually starting to feel better. At least I haven't had fits of nausea and light-headedness, so that's an improvement.

Harry friggin' Potter VI comes out this weekend. I'm so excited I could wet myself. Plus the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is out this week, too. Best. Week. Evar. The only way it could possibly be any better is if it was revealed that Firefly was coming back.

Or, you know, if I had a girlfriend. Whichever.

Oh, and since nobody but my brother is going to get what the title of this post means, here's a link to the Wikipedia definition. I was using it to refer to my exercising foibles. And the fact that I'm a huge geek.

Buh

2005-07-08T19:26:00.000-05:00

Just got back from first "workout". I put that in quotes because it was really about 25 minutes of light-intensity stuff followed by 35 minutes of nausea and light-headedness. My trainer guy (I'll call him D) called it "your body's exercise intolerance". I call it "I'm a big pansy".

In any case, I'm far too young to feel this bad. I'm going back tomorrow and gonna try and make it through 45 minutes of light-intensity stuff.

These next six weeks are gonna be the hardest I've worked at anything my entire life.

I don't care if it hurts / I want to have control

2005-07-06T18:50:00.000-05:00

I just joined a gym. Let the pain begin.

Not as expensive as I thought it was going to be. And for only $10 a month more, I can add a friend. Say, Ms. Mynx, wanna join me in buffin' up?

It's a good thing the deal includes sessions with a trainer. 'Cuz I haven't a goddam clue what I'm doing. I see all these machines with the weights and the pulleys and I'm thinking, "Which one of these won't kill me if I don't use it right?"

Anyway, I'm officially on the road to Wellville. Minus the copious amounts of cornflakes. And enemas.

I Heart David Bowie's Moving Castle

2005-07-05T21:34:00.000-05:00

I saw 1 & 9/10ths good movies recently.

The one whole good movie was I Heart Huckabees. You'd think a movie that describes itself as being "existential" would involve more people sitting around coffee shops having conversations about the universe. You know, kinda like Waking Life. Instead, it was very fast-paced and silly. And Jason Schwartzman was friggin' awesome in it. Mikey, you should see it just for the Schwartzman. It'll make you look at Cool Ethan in a whole new light.

The 9/10ths of a good movie was Howl's Moving Castle. Acutally, to be fair, it's probably more like 99/100ths of a good movie -- only the last 2 minutes are a complete fucking trainwreck. I don't want to ruin the ending for you, but it kinda ruins itself. Suffice it to say, it's like the mega-happy ending of Wayne's World. Only without the self-referential humor. Maybe if you know that going in, you won't feel as ripped off as I did. It makes me wonder if Disney somehow fucked with the ending prior to the American release. Somebody who speaks Japanese (or can get a copy of the Japanese version with subtitles): go watch the original and tell me if the ending still sucks ass.

Although, my movie-watching experience was somewhat improved by Ms. Mynx cracking up at the small children running up and down the aisle. Sake!

Oh, and I think Howl totally looks like David Bowie in The Labyrinth.

Shut it down!

2005-06-28T20:26:00.000-05:00

My new favorite game: Destroy All Humans!

It's one of the funniest games I've played in a while. And there's definitely been a shortage of funny games (that are intentionally funny) since LucasArts stopped being cool. While it's not nearly as hilarious as Monkey Island or Sam 'n Max, it's pretty damn amusing.

My favorite bit -- one of your powers as a psychically-gifted alien is the ability to hypnotize people. Generally, you can either order them to distract other humans nearby through chicken-dancing or elvis-impersonating, or you can put them to sleep. The latter option allows me to pretend I'm in Dark City. Every time I hypnotize a human, I say to the TV screen, "You...can sleep." Yes, I'm an uber-geek.

And Gamespot gives it a 7.5. Thus proving my belief that a game has to have a certain amount of crappiness for me to like it. The next game I'm curious about is Advent Rising, but only because Orson Scott Card supposedly wrote the script. However, that one got a 5.7, which means it must be the shittiest game since the atari version of E.T.

And speaking of Atari, I saw something on G4 TV the other day that said some Atari games were going for $150+. I knew them shits would be worth something someday! Note to mom: whatever you do, don't throw out the box of Atari crap in the basement. That's going on Antiques Roadshow.

In which Simon Cowell tells me I'm not as bad a singer as I thought I was

2005-06-23T19:30:00.000-05:00

I had an audition today for a classical a capella group. No small-time college group, neither. This is the motherfuckin' St. Louis Chamber Chorus, son. Because I don't have enough embarassing moments in my life. I mean, check out what they sang last year alone. That's a helluva lot of singing right there.

I'm not sure why I decided to audition for this group -- I think I was just bored one night and said, "Eh, what the hell? At least I'll be able to say I gave it a shot" So, with that attitude set, I drove to St. Peter's Episcopal Church. Fortunately, I got there early, because I locked my keys in the car and my mommy had to come with her spare set. Yeah, I do stupid things when I'm nervous.

So I go into the little room for my audition, and the first thing I notice is that the Artistic Director has a British accent. Yep, I'm on the classical music version of American Idol. Now I'm thinking I'm gonna be on the "embarassingly shitty" reel -- you know, the one with William Hung (a.k.a., the "She Bangs" guy). But actually, he was a lot nicer than Simon. Don't get me wrong, he still said things like:

"Everything that's wrong with your voice comes from breath control."

Which is, y'know, honest. And true. But, hey, singing is a hobby for me, so it's no skin off my nose if Simon Cowell doesn't like my voice. Then he concluded with:

"I think I'm going to recommend you as an Alternate.

This is kind of like being an understudy. So if another tenor can't make it to a concert, I'm in there, baby. To me, this is ab-so-fucking-lutely un-be-fucking-lievable. I was fully expecting to get laughed out of the room. That Simon (I'm gonna keep calling him that even though his name is Phillip) would even consider throwing me in as an understudy is ... surreal.

Thus proving that, if you can sing tenor reasonably well, you'll be able to get gigs a lot more easily.

Yet another reason why video games are evil...

2005-06-15T23:03:00.000-05:00

...They can hypnotize you and make you think you're inside a survival-horror shooter.

No fucking way can this be real. But if it is, I totally want to be hypnotized into thinking I'm living inside Knights of the Old Republic. With two lightsabers.

And speaking of video games, if your name is Mikey, you have to play this game right now. The game's not that great, but the soundtrack is pretty bitchin'. If you can get past the first level, please tell me how. Oh, and if any of you happen to speak German, please tell me what this guy's saying. I'm pretty sure I heard something that sounded distinctly like "Gangster scheisse" in there.

OT, how I miss thee

2005-06-14T20:08:00.000-05:00

I've gotten to the point in learning my job where I know enough to do all the shitty jobs nobody else wants to do. So they're piling them on me. This results in 9-10 hour days for me. And, now that I'm "exempt", no overtime pay. I'm beginning to think they're not paying me enough.

Okay, enough of that. In other news, I've rediscovered the joy of creating midi files. I've been translating a bunch of corny German love songs into glorious 3-6 kilobyte orgies of "choir aah" and "synth string" goodness.

I remember my brother getting me into this way back when we had our good ol' Mac SE. This was when bro called himself "Trien" and thought he was all badass 'n shit 'cuz he made himself a logo with three Ns in triangles. Whateva, punk. All the Mac could really provide in the way of entertainment was ParArena and midis. I remember thinking Allen-a-Dale was the coolest song ever when I heard it midi-style.

CNNOOOOOOOO!!!!

2005-06-04T17:22:00.000-05:00

Apparently, I wasn't the only one to notice the awfulness of Anakin-cum-Vader's yawp.

Now you, too, can be an account executive

2005-06-04T00:14:00.000-05:00

The confusion mounts. Okay, if somebody can explain to me the difference between ADP and ACP testing in plain English, I'll love you forever. Or at least for an hour or so. Oh, and if anybody can tell me what IFTO stands for, you win a bonus prize. You could tell me anything, really. I wouldn't know the difference. You, brother of mine -- use your google powers to help me out here. Don't you Google folk have a box somewhere that has all the knowledge of the Internets in it? Pour some of that on me.

After three days, I now have the ability to perform grunt work. Today, I got to play with Excel spreadsheets that had a bunch of payroll data on them. Tomorrow, the world!

Oy

2005-06-02T19:15:00.000-05:00

Today was the second day of my new job. I'm friggin' exhausted. There's a whole bunch of crap I need to learn and, since there's no formal training, I'm learning it by watching someone do it. 8 hours a day.

On the plus side, it's official: drinks are on me. Long Island iced tea, anyone?

On the other hand...

2005-05-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, I take back some of the praise I had for Star Wars. The dialogue is actually pretty shitty most of the time, and James Earl Jones' "NOOOOOOO!!!" was just terrible. However, I still think the last 20 minutes (the lead-in to Episode IV) are pretty awesome. I think it's the music; I'm a sucker for leitmotifs.

I did see the trailer for the upcoming Chronicles of Narnia flick. Holy shit, it looks awesome. Oh, and am I the only one who caught the whole Biblical-double-entendre of "in this house there are many rooms"? Makes me wonder if they're actually gonna play up the Christ stuff (not that it really needs playing up).

Episode III: Revenge of the Quality

2005-05-27T23:30:00.000-05:00

High School reunion day continues -- I just got back from seeing Star Wars with the aforementioned red-headed lady named Court. As a (wannabe) geek, I feel compelled to comment on the flick.

Like just about everyone else who's seen it, I loved it. It was hardcore dark and spooky. And, when Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen weren't trying to make lines like "You look beautiful because I'm so in love" sound like Shakespeare, the dialogue was pretty decent. The lead-in into Episode IV was cool, the whole Anakin-turning-into-Vader thing was well done, oh, and the lightsaber fights were awesome.

So all this raises the question: If Lucas can actually make a good film, why the fuck didn't he for the first two episodes? My brother told me his theory -- that he deliberately made the first two shitty to make this one seem better. Which, I guess, makes sense, in a devious kind of way. I think Lucas knew ep. 3 was gonna be dark and spooky and wanted 1 & 2 to be all light and happy, aka, shitty, so 3 would seem all that much darker. You'd think he would've learned from Empire that a little bit of darkness goes a long way towards making his movies better. Oh well.

Reunion

2005-05-27T14:37:00.000-05:00

I just got back from lunch with L'il Shieh. You hear that, subconscious? I have submitted to your will. Now stop giving me weird-ass dreams.

It kinda went like I thought it would. Although he didn't accuse me of selling out. He was quite polite about the fact that he's all changing the world and shit and I'm, y'know, working for an insurance company. He's a big-time music teacher. I administer 401(k) plans. Ladies, I'm still available.

But it did help me to solidify my academic ambitions. I think, instead of studying straight linguistics, I'm going to study old English lit and the origins of English. Who knows, maybe I'll be a professor or some shit. Although the thought of doing that kind of makes me cringe. A lot of silly academia politics to tolerate. On the plus side, the chicks would dig it. So it's still an option.

Square One

2005-05-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it turns out there was a slight snafu in my plans. She ain't interested. I got the ol' "I'll call you next week". Fortunately, the Mynx was there to talk me through it. Everybody needs a Mynx in their life, I think. She is truly the cat's pajamas -- nay -- the bee's knees.

Attention ladies: I am still available. Come'n get me. Quick, while supplies last. (Smooth) Operators are standing by.

On second thought...

2005-05-24T23:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, Mikey has a point. A higher talking : watching ratio would be nice. And why not throw in some crawling about and drinking? I'm talking about the City Museum. For those of you not from/in St. Louis (and too lazy to check the link), imagine a combination of a bar, a playground, an aquarium, and a beatnik cafe. And, apparently, a movie theatre, but that seems to be more intermittent and random.

So maybe I'll offer her the choice between the two...

Keep your head in the game

2005-05-24T15:15:00.000-05:00

Before last night, the last date I went on was about 4 years ago. Lemme tell ya, it's not at all like riding a bicycle. We saw Kingdom of Heaven. I kind of wasn't paying attention during the majority of the flick, so I'm not really sure if it was good or not. No, not because we were making out. But because I was sitting there, thinking, "Okay, this girl is really cool, so I've got to think of something cool to do on the next date..." Unfortunately, the last time I lived in St. Louis, I was a big ol' dork and never did anything, so I'm not sure what the cool kids do around here. I'm thinking Shakespeare in the Park? City Museum?

Help?

Plus, there's all the rules that I don't know about. How long should I wait to call? Being a guy sucks.

On an unrelated note, I was digging through a bunch of old crap in my old room and I found a paper from my sophomore year of college I wrote about The Canterbury Tales. It kicked ass. I am the man.

Movin' on up

2005-05-20T11:54:00.000-05:00

I found out yesterday I got a job at ... the same company I've been working at. But in St. Louis! Not entirely sure what it entails yet. Or how much it pays.

Okay, actually, the nice lady on the phone (my soon-to-be boss) told me how much it pays, but I don't believe her. I'm waiting to see it in writing. Suffice it to say, if it's as much as she said it is, drinks are on me.

I also found out yesterday that I won't be able to move into my snazzy new apartment for a little while longer. Turns out my landlord has "emergencies" at some of his other properties that require his immediate attention. So he can't spare one dude for half an hour to put in my kitchen sink. Well... at least I get free food (and rent) in the meantime...

In a moment of weakness, I signed up to True.com for a free trial. I then cancelled my subscription because it's lame. So I'm going to start my own dating service using my blog.

Attention all ladies: I am awesome. Date me. That is all.

Dark Crystal 2: Revenge of the Skeksis

2005-05-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

Only one part of the title of this post is a lie. The subtitle of the film is tentatively set as "The Power of the Dark Crystal".

Yeah, I'm not kidding. At least, if Ain't it Cool News is to be believed. Oh man, this is gonna suck. And it will retroactively ruin my childhood to boot.

Able was I ere I saw Elba

2005-05-15T01:06:00.000-05:00

So I saw this movie Palindromes. A lot of creepy bits, a lot of funny bits. Still, I have no friggin' clue what it's supposed to mean beyond what one character says towards the end. Something like, "People don't change." If anybody else wants to weigh in on this one (Ms. Mynx?), go right ahead. But let me tell you about the Palindromic moment I just had...

I was just chillin' out on the IM when who should drop me a line but a certain red-headed lady named Court whom I went to High School with. Ain't that some shit? This girl I haven't talked to in six years just shows up on my computer screen. I had figured something like this would happen eventually. It seems to be what my subconscious wants to happen. It was pretty cool, actually. Caught up on old times, traded war stories.

See, I knew there was a reason to have that AIM thingie taking up space on my blog. Let that be a lesson to anybody else who's been stalking me. Drop me a line!

Kute Kids

2005-05-12T19:10:00.000-05:00

During my downtime whilst I await to hear about my job, I've been "helping" at my mom's school. I say "helping", because I haven't really been doing much. The teachers keep giving me the "good kids" to work with, so I all I really have to do is babysit while they take care of themselves. Plus, they're little kids instead of big, hulking, bitchy high school kids. Don't have to worry about some pissed off dude pulling a knife or some shit.

Oh, and I met the orchestra teacher, who it turns out I have a lot in common with. He also works with a bunch of middle-aged women and has nobody to talk about video games with. And apparently, he lives down the street from me. Woohoo! New friend!

Something else to look forward to...

2005-05-09T16:17:00.000-05:00

I always knew I was going to see Star Wars: Episode III, even if it was the worst movie ever made, which I fully expected it to be. Especially since ol' Georgie-boy's quote about it being "like Titanic in space". But it's actually getting really good reviews. 89% fresh on the Tomatometer is no easy feat. Even the first Matrix flick (a.k.a. The Good One) got an 87%. So that flick's going on my to-do list. Right after getting a job.

Speaking of which, I had a phone interview with a car insurance company today. Y'know, just in case the other job doesn't work out. I'd be a claim rep, so y'all better be nice to me if you don't want me to total your cars.

I would drive a thousand miles...

2005-05-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

Friday, May 6, I was in Warwick, RI. Now, I am in St. Louis. The move is complete. I am home.

Well...not quite complete. Still gotta haul my shit over to the new place. But still, the driving odyssey is done. And I'll tell you one thing, it's a lot warmer here than in ol' Rhodey.

So, let the partying commence, I say. First stop after unloading da truck: Crazy Bowls & Wraps. Oh, and Ms. Mynx, feel free to give me a jingle sometime!

It's over!

2005-04-29T17:01:00.000-05:00

Today was my last day at the ol' job. Still waiting to hear if my employment will continue with them in St. Louis.

As lame and boring as my job was, the people I worked with were awfully nice. They were very accomodating and really did their best to sell me to the folks in St. Louis for a job that I'm not actually qualified to do. If it works out, it'd be pretty cool, though. A lot less lame. And boring.

Now begins the cleaning/packing phase. It's times like these that make me wish one could fast-forward TiVo-style through a week or two and get back to the good stuff. But I'm still super psyched about coming to my hometown. To wit, I had a crazy dream last night that I was at a meeting with a bunch of people I went to high school with. Among them: L'il Shieh, Nishant, Joe LaManna (by cell phone), Ms. Mynx, and Todd Kosloff. I don't know if you remember him -- big guy, talked kinda funny? He was asking me to explain his 1099-R form. For those of you not in the know, that's a tax form you get when you take a withdrawal from a pre-tax retirement plan.

Weird thing about the Joe LaManna appearance...at some point, Nishant's cell phone rang. He answered it, "Hey, Joe!" Ms. Mynx said, "Which Joe is that? LaManna or Tucek? (remember him?)" Nishant replied, "LaManna." Ms. Mynx then exclaimed, "Good! I HATE Tucek!"

My subconscious is friggin' weird.

I'm getting verklempt

2005-04-28T07:28:00.000-05:00

This conversation actually happened yesterday. The important thing to remember about the lady in this is that she's not joking -- she's just wicked stupid. Oh, and Mom: this lady is different from the one I'm trying to teach Yiddish to.

Lady: So, do you have a girlfriend waiting for you in St. Louis?

Me: Nope.

Lady: Why not?

Me: Heh, well, you know...

Lady: I've heard Jewish men make good husbands.

Me: Um...wha?

Lady: That's what I heard. Jewish men make good husbands.

Me: I'll have to tell girls that the next time I'm trying to pick them up.

On a completely unrelated note, I was watching Jeopardy yesterday, and I was very proud of myself for knowing the answer (question?) to this question (answer?). It was in the "Nym Dropping" category (all the questions were about words that had -nym in them...antonym, synonym, etc.). Here it is: "Guillotine and sandwich are examples of these." Do you know? *cue the Final Jeopardy music* Here's a hint.

How awesome is Jade Empire? It made me re-evaluate KoToR. I now like it. Maybe because I figured out how to use the level-up glitch.

Life imitating dream

2005-04-27T14:45:00.000-05:00

I had a super weird dream last night that I must share.

I dreamt I was hanging out with this guy I went to elementary (and high) school with, named Matt South. I always kinda hated him 'cuz he made fun of me in elementary school. Anyway, we were hanging out (with other people as well), and we were listening to some old song. I said, "You know what would be cool? If this song was covered by Cold Play." I don't know why I said this. I don't have any love for Cold Play. But there it is. Matt proceeded to look at me like I was an idiot and make fun of me. I was quite distressed by it. Then I went home and blogged about it.

Well, far be it from me to defy my own prophecies.

Aw hell no

2005-04-26T18:04:00.000-05:00

Once again, I break my own rules to discuss something both political and ridiculous. This is kind of old news, it turns out, but I've only just heard about it. Here it is. I actually first heard about this on the news, but this'll work, too. The way it was presented on the news program I was watching was as follows: Rep. Gerald Allen, a state rep. in Alabama, is trying to get a bill passed that would prohibit the use of public funds to purchase books by or about homosexuals.

Let me say that again.

He's trying to ban books by or about homosexuals. Langston Hughes. Tennessee Williams. Even some Shakespeare (Comedy of Errors, anyone?). Gone. History. Burned. Set the oven to 451 degrees Fahrenheit and let 'em fry. Or, as the Right Honorable Rep. Allen says, "Dig a hole and dump them in it."

Now, look. It's one thing to be one of those people who thinks the gays shouldn't get married or have kids or be scout leaders. I'll make fun of you just the same, but at least we can go out and have a drink afterwards. But this crosses the line. This hits me where I live. You're gonna ban TENNESSEE FUCKING WILLIAMS and LANGSTON FUCKING HUGHES because they liked having sex with other men? And WILLIAM FUCKING SHAKESPEARE?!?! What the fuck is the matter with you?

Now, in all fairness, it turns out that the bill is still in review, and there have been some ammendments to it. Apparently, a provision has been put in place to "protect the classics". Of course, "the classics" aren't defined, so Langston Hughes and Tennessee Williams are still in the Hole.

I think literate people in Alabama have a choice to make. You can either move to another state that isn't as insane, or you can write this silly son of a bitch and let him know that you don't want him preventing you from reading some of the best literature ever written because the authors happened to be gay.

Stop the madness. That is all.

Don'tCommentThis

2005-04-25T17:48:00.000-05:00

Well, looks like CommentThis is dead. I'ma give it one more day, then I'm just gonna get rid of 'em and replace 'em with Blogger's comments. It'd be a shame to lose all the snazzy comments people have written, but what're ya gonna do?

I've been thinking about all the stuff I wanna do when I get back to St. Louis (besides the obvious stuff like unpack). Here's a preliminary list:

1) Hang out with the Mynx.

2) Go to Crazy Bowls 'n Wraps. My apologies to the Mynx for liking this place (I know you hate it for personal reasons), but goddammit, they make one fine Caesar Wrap.

3) Go the City Museum, get drunk, and slide down the big ass slides.

I am super psyched.

I can feel the distance

2005-04-22T16:39:00.000-05:00

There's a new love in my life. And her name is Jade Empire.

Quite simply, it is the best game I've ever played. It's like Knights of the Old Republic, if KoToR was 100 times better and had a combat system that didn't suck. I won't go into a geekly amount of detail on why I love this game, but I'm serious when I say it's the best game I've ever played. But check this out: there's a constructed language in the game called Tho Fan. It was created by a Ph. D. student in Linguistics named Wolf Wikeley.

Point #1: Wolf Wikeley is a cool name.

Point #2: This once again proves that Linguistics is the field for me. I don't know how Wolf got my dream job, but I want it. Making up languages for video games? *geek drool*

By the way, the title of this post is a reference to the fact that Jade Empire takes place in a fictional mythologized version of ancient China. And the only person who will understand why that makes sense is Ms. Mynx.

Life imitating art

2005-04-20T07:46:00.000-05:00

Remember how I said that The Office always struck me as being a bit too on-the-nose to be funny? Well, I just got an email from the main bosslady of the building that seems like something lifted straight from that show. If every unit does well this month ("doing well" defined as this one stat being good which I won't explain because it's boring), our names will be put into a drawing, and the winner gets...

...To throw a pie in the bosslady's face.

Um, why? How is this motivating? The only way it could possibly be motivating is if she were an evil bitch to begin with, but she's not, and even if she were, she probably wouldn't be doing this. It reminds me of the episode where the Steve Carrell character is sitting in his office trying to think of ways to improve morale, so he tells everyone he's going to give them a big surprise, but all he can come up with is ice cream sandwiches.

Here's an idea: if you want to motivate us, give us more money!

Back in the saddle

2005-04-19T14:42:00.000-05:00

There's this one system we use here at the job that nobody seems to understand except me. So I've been asked to teach my fellow CSCs how to use it during my last two weeks. I just did my first little training session. Man, did that bring back memories...although, it's a lot easier (and more fun) to teach adults something they know they need to know than it is to teach a bunch of 15-year-olds who like to heckle you. So there's no real comparison, I guess, but it was fun to write a "lesson plan" and make little handouts again.

That being said, screw the damn 15-year-olds.

Enterprise: Worse than Star Trek IV?

2005-04-18T17:29:00.000-05:00

There's another TV show I watch regularly, but I don't count it in my weekly allotment of TV time because it sucks. That show is Enterprise, the final Star Trek series. It's entering the last few episodes, and I had been hoping that it would at least try to redeem itself on its deathbed. So much for that.

As I was waiting in Midas this weekend for a pre-cross-country-trip checkup (they found $450 worth of shit to "fix", which I immediately sensed was bullshit and walked out), I read a TV guide article about the grand finale of the Star Trek franchise. Apparently, the Enterprise cast are less than pleased with how the final episode goes. Jolene Blalock (a.k.a. T'pol a.k.a. The Hot Chick) apparently gets the cringe-worthy line, "I never thought I'd find something more important than following orders." Jesus. The final episode somehow involves a flash-forward to ST:TNG time, and Riker & Troi are on a holodeck simulation of Archer's Enterprise and blah blah blah it's gonna suck.

I had always been secretly rooting for this show, hoping it would somehow pull itself out of the pit of awfulness they had written themselves into. Even with the god-awful theme song, the retarded dialogue, the lame plots, and the goofy nods to future Treks, I kept waiting for some glimmer of hope. But no, they're going out like a bunch of bitches.

I'm telling ya, they should've just brought back DS9.

Strike that; reverse it

2005-04-15T09:09:00.000-05:00

Remember all that stuff I said about video games? My quest for the Awesomeness formula? Forget it. I've come to the conclusion that my taste in video games is flawed. Too flawed, in fact, to be of any use.

I'm basing this on the fact that a bunch of games that I like get really crappy reviews on Gamespot. For example, Sudeki, an action-rpg for the XBox. Gamespot gives it a 6.5, which they say means "fair", but in reality means "piece of shit", since they rarely go below 6. I actually kinda like this game. The combat system takes some getting used to, but it's fun, dammit. Also, Enter the Matrix. Gamespot: 6.4. Me: Best hand-to-hand fighting in an action game ever. Yes, I'm serious. If only you could play as Neo, this game would've been teh r0x0rz.
A final example: Constantine. Gamespot gives it a 6.4. Yes, it's a movie tie-in. Yes, it's not particularly original. But dammit, it's fun! Plus, the whole switching back and forth between Hell and Earth thing reminds me of Legacy of Kain, which even Gamespot agrees is a damn fine series. Although, they didn't like the last one (6.9), and I thought it was the best in the series (except for the first Soul Reaver).

Conversely, I've also discovered that the games Gamespot thinks are great, I hate. A few examples:

Morrowind. Gamespot: 8.5. Me: Played it for a half hour, then gave up after the futility of trying to beat it enveloped my soul and spit in my face.

Knights of the Old Republic. Gamespot: 9.1, plus the Editor's Choice award. Me: What am I missing here? You take the coolest element of Star Wars, lightsaber fights, turn it into some jacked up Dungeons & Dragons thing, and this is "innovative"? Combat consists of hitting "go" and hoping for the best. This is not my idea of fun.

Doom 3. Gamespot: 8.6 Me: It's a first-person shooter. It's the same as every other first-person shooter ever made. In fact, it's almost exactly the same as the first two Doom games. But with better graphics! Ooo, look at the amazing lighting! The detailed textures! The realistic physics! WHO GIVES A SHIT?! It's boring and repetitive.

Like I said, apparently my taste in video games is flawed. I guess I just need a certain level of crappiness to really enjoy a game.

Hook me up

2005-04-14T13:21:00.000-05:00

I knew there was a reason to be proud of my alma mater. Check it. An alarm clock that measures your brain activity and wakes you up at the lightest point in your sleep cycle so you don't feel groggy. That is the awesomest idea evah. I would totally preorder one now if I could. And if I knew how much it cost.

I have a request for you literate types out there. I saw that episode of the Simpsons last night where Krusty decides he's going to quit showbiz because he can't be funny anymore. So he calls a press conference and starts to read a poem that includes the line, "Runners whom the race outran..." My question: what the hell is that poem? I tried googling that line and got gornischt (are you proud of me, mama, for using Yiddish?). But "The race outran" got four hits, one of which seems to indicate it's a poem by Houseman, but I can't find the actual text of the poem. Help me out, peoples. It sounded like a cool poem.

UPDATE: Nevermind. Found it. Actually, the line is "runners whom renown outran," which is far less interesting.

The hottest nun on TV

2005-04-13T21:03:00.000-05:00

So I got suckered in by the hype and decided to watch that new show, "Revelations". It was actually pretty good. Although I'm a bit sick of the whole "your concept of 'god' is illogical and unscientific" thing. I'll be glad when they get past that and into the really spooky shit. Oh, and I especially loved the nod to Terri Schiavo. They actually used the words "persistant vegetative state". Oy. One thing I was particurly fond of (in a non-sarcastic way) was the soundtrack. They went with the creepy-orchestral-instrumental thing instead of trying to throw in random bits of modern music in a totally inappropriate context.

Oh, and Natascha McElhone? Hawt. I wouldn't mind gettin' into that habit, if ya know what I mean.

So it seems I'm moving from a video game geek to a TV geek. I'm up to 3 shows a week, people. This is bad news.

The Role of Emily

2005-04-12T17:04:00.000-05:00

Two words: Plot object.

She doesn't even speak except that one time she prays to Diana, and then she gets flat-out rejected. The rest of the time she's just ... there. I love how Palamon and Arcite fall in love with her after looking at her for five minutes through the prison tower window.

The Knight is lame. Give me the farting Miller's tale anyday.

Tricksy Brain

2005-04-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

Did you ever have a song pop into your head and have no idea what the hell it was? Isn't that annoying? I've had this song in my head all day, and I have no clue what it was or where I heard it. If it had lyrics, I'd google it, but it's instrumental. Goddammit. If one of you people who has access to my brain could please tell me what this song is, I'd appreciate it.

First impression of "The Legend of Good Women": shut the fuck up about daisies already. Although, I am glad to now know from whence the word "daisy" is derived ("day's eye"). See, this is why I want to study linguistics. Y'see how modern english makes sense if you know where it comes from?

Seriously though, it's off to an interesting start. I can see how, Ms. Mynx, you'd find this especially interesting, what with the whole discussion of how we have to rely on books for truth because we can't see everything.

Homeward Bound

2005-04-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

~~You may notice some weird spacing and indentations in this post and the previous one. That's because blogger's servers are b0rked and won't let me log in. So I'm posting this via email.~~UPDATE: Thanks, John, for telling us how to fix this. But onto the business at hand...

The reservations are set. The tickets are bought. May 5th, 2005. I'm comin' home to you, St. Lou.

Sooner than you expected, wasn't it?

And once again, I can't sleep.

My new thing is that I feel guilty about leaving my job. Can you believe this crap? I guess I wouldn't be Jewish if I didn't feel guilty about something. Maybe I'd feel less guilty if they didn't give me a promotion only a month ago. But on the other hand, what kind of retarded promotion was it? They pay me more to do the same stupid shit? No additional responsibilities? It's like I'm ripping them off. They should be thanking me for leaving.

I guess another part of my guilt has to do with the fact that two other people in my unit are leaving as well. Things may get a bit short-staffed. But 5 new people also just joined the unit, so I guess it all evens out. Well, 4, actually ... one of 'em didn't pass the Series 6. But maybe he'll pass it when he takes it again in a month. And I assuage some of my guilt by reminding myself that some other poor sap will surely rise to take my place, providing another poor soul with a steady -- albeit soul-crushingly boring -- job.

I keep thinking about the final episode of M*A*S*H. Hawkeye and Hunnicut kept saying stuff about how torn they felt about leaving. On the one hand, they really hated being in Korea. On the other, they really liked each other and probably would never see each other again. So my situation is kinda like that. Except without the war stuff. And the doctor stuff. And Korea. Oh, and I am indifferent towards everyone I work with.

Okay, so M*A*S*H was a bad analogy.

I don't think I'd feel nearly as bad if I didn't know I was doing the right thing. That doesn't make any sense, does it? But it's true. If I didn't know that I had to get out of here, I wouldn't care what I was doing. But, as the voice in my dream said, "It's time to move on."

So, hopefully, I'll be able to go to sleep now. Thanks for listenin'.