Worst timeline

I imagine sometimes that various ghosts or angels appear to versions of me in alternate realities at certain critical points in their lives.  "Stop!" they exclaim, "If you keep going down this road, your life will be immeasurably worse! Here, let me show you ..."  Then, they take the other me's hand and transport them to this reality. 

They point to me, alone and miserable, and say, "This could be you."

Home alone

My friends, may you never be lonely.

Asking for a friend

At what point do you just accept you're going to die alone? Asking for a friend.

What does one do to make themselves more attractive? Is it possible that some people are just inherently unattractive and no amount of, say, working out and dieting will fix that? Asking for a friend.

What do you do when you change your entire wardrobe and lifestyle and still can't get a date? I guess that goes back to the last question; are there just some inherent qualities about people that make them forever repulsive? Sure, you may believe that there's no self, but what if there really is something fundamentally wrong with you? 

I mean, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility, right? There have always been people who go their entire lives without any meaningful relationships. Maybe you're lucky in that you at least got to experience being with someone three times before your luck ran out. 

I've got nothing more to offer here.  There are a lot of questions, but no answers.  I'm asking for a friend.

Epilogue (11 years later) -- Look Around, Look Around

The fun thing about never posting on yer blog is that when you finally do go back and read the last entry, it's like opening up a time capsule.  

•  Me, 14 years ago

Look at where we are / Look at where we started

• "That Would Be Enough", Hamilton

I've spent the last several hours reading through all of my old posts. First of all, I'm extremely grateful that I didn't just delete this thing; having the opportunity to view  snapshot of yourself from 10+ years ago is an amazing gift. I went in expecting to be mortified. I was fully prepared to just cringe my way through this deal, or even give up part of the way through, overwhelmed by shame. But I actually found the experience more eye-opening than anything else. 

I started this blog in 2003, just after I graduated college.  This was the beginning of a very long, very dark time in my life (also known as "my 20s").  It began when I discovered that the profession I had devoted my educational career to, teaching, wasn't going to work out.  Mainly because I hated doing it.  It got worse when my girlfriend from college broke up with me (I do not blame her for that at all, for what it's worth). Since I know myself, I can see the darkness between the lines I've written here.  Sometimes it was subtle.  Other times, less so.  Like the song says, "the fact that [I'm] alive is a miracle", honestly.  As I continued my digital journey down memory lane, I found myself imagining having a conversation with the guy who wrote this blog.  I wanted to tell him a few things:

1. You're a very judge-y dude, you know that? That path does not lead to happiness.  The saying, "judge not, lest ye be judged" is true on many levels.  Viewing the world as a series of binaries, especially when one of them consists of you on one end and your brother on the other, will only cause you more pain.
2. You need to be trying more new things. I know this is hard to hear, but playing video games all day will also not lead to happiness.  It's okay that you don't want to be a teacher, that just means you're free to try all kinds of other new things! And you don't need to wait for a vision, either. You know the path you're on doesn't have heart in it.
3. I'd take it as a personal favor if you kept going to the gym.  And maybe cut out some of those carbs, eh?

Most of all, though, I wanted to do something that he would have never imagined possible: I wanted to forgive him.  To embrace him, and tell him that he was okay, that he's not a freak, that nobody has it all figured it out.  Just keep going, my man.  It will get better.


But, seriously, though ... stick with the gym. I want to have a six pack.

Technology confounds me

Last week at work was "Fraud Awareness Week". Part of the festivities was a little drawing whereby one could win a digital camera if one made a suggestion to imrpove our security or whatnot. Guess who won?

The Finns do it again

It's amazing the random crap you'll find on wikipedia.

Today, for instance, I was trying to figure out if there actually was a difference between a "choir" and a "chorus". The answer: not really. But on wikipedia's page about choirs, there was a subsection entitled "Shouting Choirs". What's a shouting choir, you might ask? Well, this, apparently.

You owe it to yourself to listen to their rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner. It's just ... there are no words, really. Just listen. And if you speak Finnish (or whatever the hell those people speak), do let me know the director says at the end that's so funny. I like to think it's a witty remark about the Bush administration.

And speaking of teeth...

This has got to be the silliest story on CNN today. Long story short, prosecutors wanted to confiscate the blingified prosthetic teeth the defendants had installed, not knowing they were bonded on to their real teeth.

The two silliest parts:

1) Quoth one dude interviewed,"It sounds like Nazi Germany when they were removing the gold teeth from the bodies, but at least then they waited until they were dead" Yeah, he compared this to the Nazis.

2) The article repeatedly refers to the teeth as "grills". Look, CNN, I know you're trying to be hip, but you sound like the lame White guy trying to impress his Black friends.

Fo' shizzle.