Pain -- it's not just French bread

Lemme tell ya: Getting in shape sucks. We're talking "wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night" kind of pain. On the plus side, I can now have conversations that begin with me saying, "I was at the gym the other day..." Chicks dig that. Or so I'm told. Now I just need to find some chicks. Also, I've started drinking this protein supplement (for muscle-building purposes, seeing as how I lack ... um, muscles) which tastes exactly like chocolate milk. So that's nice.

Plus, the exercising (and subsequent pain) takes my mind off the job stuff. Which also kinda sucks right now. 35 clients asking me for stuff + me not knowing what the hell I'm doing = me going bald a lot quicker than I would be otherwise.

Although I did learn about a fun little website called FreeErisa that allows you to take a look at the past 5500s companies have filed with the IRS. For those of you not in the know, the 5500 is a form (series of forms, really) that companies with retirement or other "employee welfare" plans (don't ask) have to file every year disclosing various tidbits about them. For example, Google's 401k plan had 1048 participants with balances at the end of 2003. And $18,053,693 in net assets at the end of 2003 (up from $5,118,733 at the beginning of the year...damn, that's a big jump). Yeehaw!

The Parable of the Flat Tire

Not a pleasant way to start your morning, let me tell you. Especially when you can't find the goddam jack.

As I was struggling with a jack that was lent to me by a mechanic that Bill knows, this guy pulls over and offers to help me. Check this out: he also drives an old white Toyota Camry and his name is also David. That's some freaky coincidence right there. So David helps me out with the changing of the tire. Afterwards he says:

"Do you mind, I'm going to pray with you?"
Me: "Um, no go ahead."

So he prays. A little prayer to Jesus thanking Him for allowing him the opportunity to help out his fellow man.

It's enough to make you want to convert. Or at least rediscover your religion in a way that doesn't involve Holy Muffins and getting dressed up to impress the yentas at Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur.

...And I'm done

Just finished the book. Note to J.K. Rowling: you, lady, are nuts. There are gonna be a lot of 8-year-olds crying for their mommies in the next few days. And asking them what "snogging" means. Not necessarily in that order. All I'm saying is, you thought the Jerry Falwell crowd was pissed about the magic stuff? Well, now they've got a lot more to be pissed about. I don't want to say too much for fear of ruining the plot (although it's kinda already been ruined thanks to the internets), but goddam. Goddam.

So, uh, yeah. It's fuggin' ridiculous. Now begins the long wait for the grand finale. Which, if the pattern holds, should be coming out around the same time as movie #5. Maybe by the time I'm 27, I'll have lost interest. Eh...nah.

Geek on!

My plan tonite: Gym, then camp out at Borders. I am so friggin' pumped I almost kicked my mom in the face. Then I saw this poster for the next movie, and I almost kicked myself in the face.

Now, I've heard some crazy shit about the plot of this book via this post on BoingBoing, but I refuse to believe what this dude claims will happen is true. But if, a few nights from now, you hear me screaming a la Darth Vader, you'll know why.

I feel like I'm in Empire Records. Today is Harry Potter day!

This is your gom jabbar

Either the pain in my arms and legs is causing me to hallucinate, or I'm actually starting to feel better. At least I haven't had fits of nausea and light-headedness, so that's an improvement.

Harry friggin' Potter VI comes out this weekend. I'm so excited I could wet myself. Plus the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is out this week, too. Best. Week. Evar. The only way it could possibly be any better is if it was revealed that Firefly was coming back.

Or, you know, if I had a girlfriend. Whichever.

Oh, and since nobody but my brother is going to get what the title of this post means, here's a link to the Wikipedia definition. I was using it to refer to my exercising foibles. And the fact that I'm a huge geek.

Buh

Just got back from first "workout". I put that in quotes because it was really about 25 minutes of light-intensity stuff followed by 35 minutes of nausea and light-headedness. My trainer guy (I'll call him D) called it "your body's exercise intolerance". I call it "I'm a big pansy".

In any case, I'm far too young to feel this bad. I'm going back tomorrow and gonna try and make it through 45 minutes of light-intensity stuff.

These next six weeks are gonna be the hardest I've worked at anything my entire life.

I don't care if it hurts / I want to have control

I just joined a gym. Let the pain begin.

Not as expensive as I thought it was going to be. And for only $10 a month more, I can add a friend. Say, Ms. Mynx, wanna join me in buffin' up?

It's a good thing the deal includes sessions with a trainer. 'Cuz I haven't a goddam clue what I'm doing. I see all these machines with the weights and the pulleys and I'm thinking, "Which one of these won't kill me if I don't use it right?"

Anyway, I'm officially on the road to Wellville. Minus the copious amounts of cornflakes. And enemas.

I Heart David Bowie's Moving Castle

I saw 1 & 9/10ths good movies recently.

The one whole good movie was I Heart Huckabees. You'd think a movie that describes itself as being "existential" would involve more people sitting around coffee shops having conversations about the universe. You know, kinda like Waking Life. Instead, it was very fast-paced and silly. And Jason Schwartzman was friggin' awesome in it. Mikey, you should see it just for the Schwartzman. It'll make you look at Cool Ethan in a whole new light.

The 9/10ths of a good movie was Howl's Moving Castle. Acutally, to be fair, it's probably more like 99/100ths of a good movie -- only the last 2 minutes are a complete fucking trainwreck. I don't want to ruin the ending for you, but it kinda ruins itself. Suffice it to say, it's like the mega-happy ending of Wayne's World. Only without the self-referential humor. Maybe if you know that going in, you won't feel as ripped off as I did. It makes me wonder if Disney somehow fucked with the ending prior to the American release. Somebody who speaks Japanese (or can get a copy of the Japanese version with subtitles): go watch the original and tell me if the ending still sucks ass.

Although, my movie-watching experience was somewhat improved by Ms. Mynx cracking up at the small children running up and down the aisle. Sake!

Oh, and I think Howl totally looks like David Bowie in The Labyrinth.