And the winner for worst intro sequence in a video game goes to...

So my new goal is to post every day. But since nothing ever happens to me, I'm gonna have to occasionally fall back on that old standby: geek stuff. So, put on your pocket protectors and whip out your 20-sided die, it's time to geek out.

Now playing: Metal Gear Solid 3.

My first impression was that they took everything that was good about Metal Gear Solid 2 and added a whole bunch of unnecessary realism to the gameplay just to piss me off. Yeah, in reality, Snake probably wouldn't be able to look up and to the right to view a little radar of all the enemies in the area and their fields of vision, but how the hell else am I supposed to know where the hell everyone is? But then I got used to the whole sonar/motion detector/AP vibration thingie, and finally managed to get past the first three screen without getting detected and shot.

Then there was the god awful intro credit sequence. As I was listening to the song that played over the credits/trippy snake graphics, I wondered: Are these lyrics really as bad as they seem, or am I just hallucinating? Nope, no acid for me. They're really that bad.

Someday you go through the rain,
Someday you feed on a tree frog...

Yes, those are actual lyrics in the song. Now, if you haven't played the game, imagine them being sung James Bond intro style. You know, a throaty alto with overdramatic vibrato, big brass and string swells, the works. Pretty stupid, huh?

Then there are the INCESSANT CUT SCENES. Jesus fucking christ. If I have to hear another lecture about how nuclear weapons are bad or how being a soldier is all about your soul, I swear, I'm gonna ... fall asleep. And it's not like important plot stuff is being revealed. Just shit about the Cuban missile crisis in case you fell asleep during your high school history class. Well, thanks, Hideo, for the history lesson. Can we get back to the fucking game now?

And what the hell is up with this bullshit "Cure" system? You know, it used to be that when your video game hero got shot, some HP was lost. He ate a ration, got a bandage, and his HP came back. Sure, it wasn't realistic, but it's a goddamn video game! I wanna kick ass, not go to a virtual hospital and present my virtual insurance card and be interviewed by the virtual police about how a virtual bullet ended up in my virtual arm. But now you gotta pause the damn game and perform faux surgery on yourself (assuming you've collected the necessary disinfectant, styptic, stitches, and bandages). Retarded over-realism.

The game may be good, I can't really tell. It doesn't really want me to play it so much as be pissed at it.

Most overrated game in history. And this is coming from a Final Fantasy fanboy.