"Opinions are like assholes..."

Friday nights have become movie night at David's house. Yesterday, we watched a really awful movie called "The Weight of Water". Not even worth going into the details. Suffice it to say, it sucked. But in it, Elizabeth Hurley (who has a topless scene, it should be noted) plays this kinda ho-bag of a character who's trying to seduce Sean Penn's character, who is married or something (I wasn't really paying attention). So I started making wise-ass remarks like, "That Liz Hurley is such a slut. But she sure is cute, eh?" So after one such remark, David pauses the movie, and we have the following conversation. Now, I say it's a conversation, but it's really more like a monologue in which I thought responses back at him, but never actually said anything. So I'll put my thought-responses in italics.

David: But what's the point in someone being cute if they're like that? See, I think, in this country, people, men and women both, put too much emphasis on superficial things like appearance. Now, don't get me wrong, I think God --

Me: I actually rolled my eyes here, but he didn't notice

David: -- made man and woman to be together. It's natural they should be attracted to each other.

Me: I'm afraid I see where this is going...

David: So I don't think homosexuals were created by God that way or were born that way or anything. I think it's an unnatural choice those people make.

Me: Actually speechless. In my mind.

April (As though it were the most obvious thing in the world): It's in the Bible!

Me: You know what else is in the Bible? That women can't speak in church and shellfish are an abomination. So let's be consistent, shall we? Why don't you be a good little Christian and shut the fuck up?

David: But, you know what they say ... opinions are like assholes; everyone's got one.

Me: Yeah, and some are shitty.

David: You look like you wanted to say something just now?

Me (grinning): About assholes?

David: No, about what I was just saying.

Me: Oh ... You fucking bigotted asshole. I knew we could never be friends. Fucking stupid son of a bitch. Nope.

And we watched the rest of the crappy movie. And Liz Hurley is friggin' hawt.

By the way, thanks to OnlyConnect for pointing out the humorous bible quotes.