The first step is admitting you have a problem

My name is David, and I'm addicted to bad coffee.

Yesterday, I tried to kick the habit. I said to myself, "I can make it through the day without my 45-cent cup of vending-machine-made cafe-mocha-facsimile." So I tried it. Life was unpleasant. Especially for my coworkers, to whom I'd like to apologize. It wasn't really me who accused you of lying when you told me our systems weren't working. It was the lack of low-quality caffeine talking. Which isn't an excuse, but it is an explanation.

I hit rock bottom this morning as I was walking through the corridors of my office. You know you're in trouble when the idea of jumping through a plate-glass window seems like a plausible alternative to working. I mean, my job isn't that exciting, but it's not that bad. So I got change for a five and bought myself some shitty coffee-like-drink. It was delicious. And now I feel ready to take on the world.

On the plus side, I drew a really cool spaceship on my work notepad yesterday. It's got 7 multi-directional thrusters positioned strategically around the hull. It's like one of those ships in The Matrix, but smaller. And, you know, without Keanu Reeves to fuck it up.

Speaking of fucking things up, I saw King Kong recently. Everything was great until the last damn line of the movie. I know it's in the original and all, but goddam, it's cheesy. And Jack Black's delivery didn't help. I was half-expecting him to break out into some Tenacious D action ("It was beauty killed the beast ... ROCK! fligoo-fligoo-bee-bagga-fleep..."). And the whole Kong-biting-the-tongue-off-the-dinosaur thing seemed a bit over-the-top, to say the least.

I think this post has the highest hyphen-to-word ratio ever.