Moment of Pi zen

I hereby declare myself an amateur Piphilologist. Here are a few of the more awesome mnemoics I've found in the ... um ... two days since I've discovered this field.

Poe E: Near a Raven. Which is but a small part of Cadaeic Cadenza, the granddaddy of all piphilogical writing.

"I am the first fifty digits of pi" courtesy of the genius of songstowearpantsto.com.

The ytmnd version. I have to say, this one is currently my favorite. It's been looping on my computer for the past half hour or so, and I'm really start to feel the groove. Seems like it'd be a great rave-type song if it kept going. Like, forever. Oh, hell yes, that'd be awesome.

But if you want something a bit more freaky, check out this craziness, which is actually the source of the audio of the last one. I'm not sure what scares me the most about this last one -- the dude dressed like a satanic wizard zapping a kid out of existence or the educational hip-hop song in the middle about some dude getting laid.

I give thanks for this website

Once again, I know I'm the last person in the universe to find out about this site, but here it is anyway. Songs to Wear Pants To. The premise: this musical genius takes requests from anyone then composes and performs (solo) a song in any genre from barbershop quartet to hiphop. And sometimes both, as in the case of song #0153. It's fuckin' brilliant.

Hear me roar

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart
...
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
--- John Mayer, "Daughters"

This song pisses me off. I heard a cover of it on the radio the other day, and it's been pissing me off ever since.

I think it's a culmination of several things that have irked me in varying degrees over the past couple of weeks. The most notable of which is Maureen-fucking-Dowd's new mother-fucking book. "Are Men Necessary?" Now, having said all that, I'll admit I haven't actually read the son of a bitch, so I can't really comment too much about it. However, I do know from reading various reviews and commentaries on it that one of her points is that men are afraid of (or otherwise less attracted to) women who are intelligent and/or successful. Ergo, feminism has failed because successful and/or intelligent women can't get a date.

Okay. This really pisses me off. Mainly because I, myself, am attracted to successful and/or intelligent women. Ergo, I can't get a date, because women think this bullshit is true. Well, okay, that would be true, except that I'm dating someone now. But lemme tell ya, it was damn hard work finding her.

The point is: everyone should just be themselves. Enough of this nonsense. I'm a guy who likes classical music, singing, and Shakespeare. I'm dating a girl who loves action movies and hates romantic comedies. Can't we all just get along?

H to the Pot times 4

Saw the new Harry Potter flick this weekend. It rocked my socks. This was the first HP movie I'd seen after having read the corresponding book, so I did have a few moments of "Wait, what happened to the part where..." But, you know, it's a matter of 700 pages versus a 2.5 hour time limit. But the ending was sufficiently horrifying. Once again I say, how in the hell do people think these books are for children?

Fun story about the wait to get in: the movie started at 8:00, and we (by which I mean me and a certain special someone who shall remain nameless for the moment) got to the theatre at around 6:45. We were told we couldn't go into the theatre yet because there were too many people inside. They directed us to some holding line outside. Funny thing about that -- there totally wasn't a damn holding line outside. So we created our own line in the box office area. About 15 other folks joined us. So time passes, and the time comes to let the folks in. Well, turns out there was a line outside hidden somewhere behind the damn building. So the powers-that-be decided to let those people go in first. You know, 'cuz they were in the real line and all. Well, I was fine with that, but the crazy Jewish mother behind me wasn't so much. Now, when you read this, imagine Kyle's (from South Park) mom. She sounded (and even kind of looked) exactly like that.

Crazy Jewish Mother: We've been waiting here for an hour! And that guy [pointing to dude working the box office] told us we could wait here! [that's true, actually]

Theatre Person: Well, those people have been standing outside since 6:00, so we're going to let them in first.

CJM: But he told us we could wait here.

TP: Look, I'm not sure what you were told, but we've got to let these other people in first. You can wait here if you want, and we'll let you in after them.

[Now a sea of folks who have been waiting outside begin to enter the theatre. CJM (and my date, the crafty wench) surreptitiously blend in with the crowd.]

TP (exasperated): Look, if you want to cut in front of people who have been waiting outside for two hours, fine. IT'S ONLY A MOVIE!!

At that point, I just shrugged my shoulders, knocked a random 12-year-old out of the way, stepped on an old lady, and headed to the sweet-ass seats my companion had saved for us.

The moral of the story: Children's literature ain't nothing to fuck with.

Hippies gone wild

My alma mater's gonna have some smack talked about it on The O'Reilly Factor, apparently. Check it:

Back of Book Segment
Brown U. sex party
Guest: Factor producer Jesse Watters
We'll tell you about a shocking sex party held at Brown University. Our producer was there and he has a first-hand report.

Let me tell you what this is all about. The LGBTA at Brown throws two big parties every year called "SexPowerGod" and "StarF*ck". Highlights include scandalous posters around campus (that never fail to spark ridiculous debates in the Brown Daily Herald), people dressed somewhat less-than-family-friendly, and copious amounts of dancing, booze, and loud music. In other words, basically your average college-type party, though perhaps with more scantily-clad folks than what you might expect. Now, I never actually went to one of these deals (really, mom, I didn't), but I'm reasonably certain that there aren't any orgies breaking out or even sex with donkeys a la Bachelor Party. What I guess makes this party so offensive to O'Reilly is that it's sponsored by the gays, and we can't have those degenerates poisoning the minds of our youth, can we?

Anything to add, Mikey?

Kids freak me out

I went to see the Chamber Chorus' second concert yesterday. It was predictably amazing. This children's choir sang with them, and let me tell you something -- those kids can sing. They put my elementary school's Special Singers to shame.

The last song on the program was kinda weird. The text was an acrostic poem about Alice in Wonderland. By the way, for those of you who don't know, an acrostic poem is that kind of poem where the first letter of each line spells out something (in this case, Alice's full name, Alice Pleasance Liddell...yeah, I didn't know that either). So the weird part was that as the Chamber Chorus was singing, the children's choir would do this freaky stage whisper of the first letter of each line. At first, you're thinking, "what the fuck was that?" Then you start getting into it, and it's like, "hey, this is pretty cool". But by the end of the song, you're thinking, "holy shit, the kids are possessed by Satan and are going to eat me!"

Er...maybe that's just me.

I also saw a stage version of "Reefer Madness" this weekend, courtesy of the Magic Smoking Monkey Theatre. It certainly made me think twice about smoking pot. Or sitting in the front row at one of the performances, as there was a copious amount of stage drool being flung about. I understand there's also a musical version of this deal -- I'm sure it's at least on par with anything Andrew Lloyd Webber ever wrote.

Sweeps week = retarded

Having said that, I'll admit that I did watch the live episode of The West Wing last night. I still don't get why it was live, exactly. I mean, what's the point if they're just gonna read a damn script? What would've been cool is if there was a small section at the end for Santos and Vinnick to take questions from the audience. Not a long time -- maybe just 5 minutes or so. Something to justify the liveness. It would've been neat to watch Alan Alda and Jimmy Smiths improv.

But the stupidest sweeps week promo ever has gotta be Medium. 3-D? What the fuck? Are we back in the '80s now?

In other news, I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show this weekend. That is one helluva movie-going experience, I'll tell you what. If you ever have the opportunity to go, I highly recommend it. And be sure to tell all the friendly folks at the show that you're a virgin. Trust me. You'll get special treatment.

By the power vested in me...

Okay, folks. Enough is enough. I am invoking my powers as an English major. For far too long, we've had to put up with awkward constructions when speaking about an undefined, gender-neutral third person. In speaking, we say, "He/she" or "him or her". In writing, we have the abbreviated but still obnoxious, "s/he". Well, screw that crap. It's time we get a gender-neutral pronoun like the rest of the world.

The good news is, we already have one -- "They". Now, I know what you're thinking -- that "they" is plural. Well, guess what? Now it's gonna be singular, too. That's what I'm gonna do for you fine people. Everybody already uses "they" that way, anyway, why not just make it official?

So, by the power vested in me, by virtue of my over-priced and under-used Ivy League diploma, I hereby declare "they" and "them" to be gender-neutral singular third-person pronouns. Go in peace. And if you should pass by a fellow English-speaker on the street, tell them the good news. They will thank you for it.